Good morning Unsanity readers!
It’s another #FreebieFriday for you finally. I’ve been out of the loop writing here myself (currently featuring a whole BUNCH of guest bloggers instead!) and wanted to share something for your Freebie today.
Click the link below to download your 4 different color scheme daily planner pages! You can also find this here on my page if you lose this post amongst the others.
Hello Friends!
I am so happy to be back doing a guest post series for Koral! Thank you so much for this chance.
I’m Stephanie from A Red Hair Girl. In January I wrote a post for Koral that gave you some background about my mental health issues. Then I went on to explain three ways I helped myself with my mental health.
First I admitted to myself I had a problem and that I needed help. Second I told a few people that I felt comfortable telling (my husband, my mom, sisters, and my OBGYN). And third I made the scary phone call to a therapist to get up an appointment. It is worth the read. I hope it will give you courage to seek out the help you need if you are struggling.
At the end of the post I mentioned I had a post about the things I have learned in therapy that have helped me. Welp, I had good intentions but I never got around to writing it… AHHH! I’m sorry!
I thought this mini-series would be the perfect chance for me to tell you about 4 things that I learned from my therapist. And tell you why they have helped me. I’m super excited!
So, let’s get right to it! This post is all about exercise! Here are 4 reasons why exercise is great for your mental health. I hope that by the time you are finished you are ready to get your sweat on.
Working Out Releases Our Feeling Good Endorphins
When we have our feeling good endorphins are flowing it just feels great. This is a natural way to get them going. So why wouldn’t we want to do that? My therapist always ask how my level of exercise. She doesn’t care how hard I’m going at it. She just wants me moving.
Even a walk around the block and kick start the good feeling endorphins. In fact if you exercise outside it can increase the amount of good feeling endorphins. That’s a double win! She tells me to get outside and talk a walk around the block sans kids if I’m feeling stressed, depressed or anxious. That isn’t always possible. But when I have, I come back refreshed.
Exercise Can Help Take Your Mind off Worries
When your brain has less to worry about your depression and anxiety will have less to feed it. When I’m working out it is harder for me to think about negative things. After a workout it is even hard to be negative. It’s all those good feeling endorphins. J
So if you exercise most days then you will have less time during those days to worry, which will help. Because the less you worry then the cycle of negative thoughts that help to feed your depression and anxiety will not be as present.
Exercise Can Help You Gain Confidence
What happens when you work out consistently? So many wonderful things! Among them is you will start to feel better about yourself. When you take the time to work out and do something that is hard you gain confidence.
You may start to lose weight or gain muscle. Your clothes may start to fit differently, a good different. People may start to give you complements. Or you may catch yourself in the mirror and think, WOW! All of these help you to gain confidence.
When you have more confidence you start to have a change in your thinking. For me, I become less depressed. Both of those things (being less depressed and gaining confidence) are very important to your mental health.
Working Out Can Help You Eat Better
If you are like me (and so many other people) then when you start to exercise consistently you may start to eat healthier. You may find yourself grabbing for an apple instead of crackers. The can of soda may not look as tasty as water.
When I am able to get myself out of bed and work out first thing in the morning I tend to make better eating choices all day long. Why wouldn’t I want to start my day off in that way?
Then when you start making better eating choices and continue to work out you will see a difference in your body. This will help you gain more confidence. See how many of these are intertwined? J
Some Tips and Tricks to Help You
Good luck my friends with exercising! It has helped me so much with my mental health and confidence. I know it can help you as well!
Happy working out!
Xoxo, Steph
“You can’t stress.” These were the words my mother said to me after her encounter with bowel blockage, shingles, and a seizure. They came after her mother passed away. My mother carried a lot on herself, including anger and resentment.
The word “can’t” in this sentence doesn’t imply “not allowed.” It implies that I am “not able to.”
So, what is someone who is not able to stress, doing writing a post about mental health? Well, that’s the question of the day, isn’t it?
I’m here to tell you what it feels like to not be able to stress.
I bet you’re thinking, “It would be so wonderful to not be able to stress. I can actually go on with my life, not caring about anything. I can let things slide right off of me, and let things happen the way that they are supposed to.”
You know what? You’re right. That’s exactly how I feel.
Do you know how hard that is, though? Watching people struggle, stress, be anxious and depressed? It’s not easy.
“It’s so hard to make ends meet. I’m broke before I even get paid,” a coworker might say to me. I stand there, motionless, trying not to blurt out the thoughts that run through my head. “Well, stop spending fifty dollars a week to get your nails done,” I think. But I slowly nod, speak a soft, “Hm,” and walk away.
Does this mean that I can’t relate to people? No. I can, actually. Growing up with a mother who deals with depression and stress, has allowed me to understand what goes through peoples’ minds when they are in these mental states. My mother is very open about how she feels and what she’s thinking. She always has been, even now. So when those that are around me, express these thoughts and feelings, I am able to understand that they feel a certain way, but I am not able to relate with the feeling itself. Which may make me seem cold and unsympathetic. I can come off like that, of course. In fact, I hardly ever have sympathy for anyone. Empathy, sure, but rarely sympathy.
So, what’s my secret for a no stress life? Do I meditate? Exercise? Stay away from any and all stressful situations? The answer is simply, no. Instead of meditating, I close my eyes and take a deep breath and let it out in a long, loud, forceful sigh, so that everyone around me knows exactly how I feel. I do listen to music, but it’s not soft. At all. In fact, it’s mostly heavy rock. I also don’t exercise. I do quite a bit of physical labor at my job, but on my off days, my butt is in my chair.
Do I lack the stress gene 5HTR2C? Are my chemical levels constantly balanced? Do I have the long long genotype called 5-HTTLPR?
Let’s face it, no one really knows what genes they have, do they? In fact, stress can actually change your genes.
To be honest, I don’t know why I can’t stress. Maybe because I grew up watching a mother stress over everything, every day of my life. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to. Maybe it’s because I walk into every situation I am faced with, with this in mind: if I stress, I am of no help. I won’t have a clear mind to make the right decisions, or say the right things. If I stress, I can’t help. If I can’t help, what good am I?
At the end of the day, all I know is I don’t have a worry bone in my body. Do I get sad? Yes, at least I still get sad. Do I wonder about the future? Of course, who doesn’t? But I don’t necessarily worry about anything.
The beautiful part about this is, people still confide in me. People still tell me about their worries and fears and struggles. Even though I have a difficult time relating to the physical feelings, and the thoughts, I still listen and learn. I am self aware to the point that I am able to put aside my cold, unsympathetic aura, and replace it with an empathetic one.
For those of you who are prone to stress, depression, anxiety, and others, please be patient with us non-worrying types. If we could worry about how we come off to people, we would. And please don’t think that if someone doesn’t worry, that they don’t understand. Because I do.
My mother almost died because of stress. She had a seizure because of stress. Every time she feels under the weather, she gets depressed. She was very angry when I was little and would cry to me almost every night and tell me how she was feeling. They say that one out of three people will get shingles in their lifetime. Mom has had it more than once. Mom had to have open heart surgery because, when she got so sick from stress that she weighed ninety pounds, her heart grew weak and she developed a prolapsed heart valve.
To those of you who endure the pain, I see you. I feel you. I will cry with you. I don’t care if I don’t understand what you’re feeling, but what you feel is real. That’s what I understand, and to me, that’s all that matters.
Your feelings matter.
Another guest for everyone at the Unsanity today! Please give a warm welcome to Mary, who gets very real about PostPartum Depression after having a child. Thanks so much for opening up and giving our readers some insight as to what it looks like.
Mary Lentz is a stay-at-home mom and lifestyle blogger at My Beautiful Mess, which offers motherhood support, personal growth, and parenting tips and advice. You can learn more about homemaking skills, organizational help, and entertaining in weekly posts. She is also a strong advocate for emotional wellness and mental health awareness. You can find her on the following platforms and social media:
Before motherhood, I just assumed that Postpartum Depression was simply feeling down after giving birth. I had no idea just what it caused you to think, feel, and believe about yourself and your child. Today, I want to share with you what no one tells you about postpartum depression.
I’ve suffered depression my entire life. As a bi-polar patient, I was at special risk for postpartum depression. When I was pregnant, doctors talked to me about weepiness and sadness after giving birth. But I never realized just what postpartum depression would cause me to think and feel. Early in my motherhood journey, I was surprised to learn what no one tells you about postpartum depression… that it rears its head in feelings of irritation, frustration, inadequacy, futility, and loneliness.
When I was pregnant with my first son, I spent hours daydreaming of his little face. I couldn’t wait to hold him, kiss him and love on him. I’m sure there are women who instantly bond with their child. But I didn’t and post partum depression had a lot to do with that. About 3 weeks after giving birth, I felt like I was holding a stranger. I didn’t know what his cries meant.
I just assumed everything was instinctual – that you just magically know and understand your newborn as soon as they come out. Maybe I was naive. However,I never expected to feel completely overwhelmed, flustered, and frustrated. Who knew depression would increase those feelings exponentially?
Depression maybe a mental condition, but it distresses the heart. It directly interfered with my ability to fall in love with my little boy. It took a while for me to truly feel that loving warmth. Don’t get me wrong, I cared for him. Logically, I loved him, but I didn’t feel the crazy, obsessive kind of love I feel now. If you’re struggling to dote and love your newborn, you may have post-partum depression. The cure? The more you hug and hold your baby, the closer you’ll feel…sooner.
With my first son, I was determined to breastfeed. My son was born prematurely and it took 6-7 days for my colostrum to come in. I was so sad that my little guy was having to take a bottle until my boobies got their act together. My weak little boy was burning too many calories trying to nurse and was quickly losing weight. Therefore, doctors suggested I pump for the first month and supplement with formula. I was heartbroken.
There is a saying, “there is no use crying over spilt milk.” I don’t know what the etymology is, but I’m willing to wager it had to do with breastmilk. This stuff is liquid gold! At about two weeks postpartum, I had spent the entire day pumping frequently. I squeezed out 2 oz making a total of 5 oz for the day. While I was taking the flanges off the pump, I accidentally hit and spilt all the milk. Every. Last. Drop.
I shrieked so loudly, my husband came racing down the stairs. My mother came running in. “No! No!” I wailed in a blood curdling cry, like when someone gets word someone has died. That’s what my husband thought had happened. That someone had died. My whole body shook as I sobbed and clutched that pathetic empty bottle to my chest. When I finally calmed down, I explained to them what had happened. They didn’t understand. They stared in confusion, surprised by my dramatics.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to admit. It makes me cringe just knowing I had these kinds of thoughts. It’s surprising to learn other moms have this thought too. As a new mom, you can feel so inadequate. The first night I brought my son home from the hospital, I had this thought. He cried for three strait hours and when I couldn’t comfort him, I felt as if I’d made a huge mistake. Maybe, I’m not cut out for this. He deserved someone better. Someone who knew what she was doing.
Depression can make you have all kinds of hopeless thoughts. I had a few miscarriages before I gave birth to my oldest son. So when this thought crept in, it made me feel even more guilty. After all, I wanted this. Now I know, depression causes these thoughts.
Having a child changes your life. A child ties you down. If you’re a new mom, you may even feel anxious about leaving the house with your baby. Routine can be helpful, but monotony can add to depression. Be aware of how much you shut yourself inside the house.
I remember posting pictures of my first son on social media. You would’ve never guessed how sad and isolated I felt. I was so lonely. The days seemed long waiting for my husband to return home. If you are not returning to work, you may even feel more alone. Work friends move on and suddenly your spouse becomes the sole provider for your social life. That’s not healthy!
Challenge yourself to get out of the house. The more cooped up you are at home, the more isolated you’ll feel. I share the things that helped me while staying home in the post How To Stay Sane As A Stay At Home Mom.
Postpartum depression includes anxiety. Who knew? Well, technically it’s postpartum anxiety but doctors don’t really discuss it and most moms I know, experienced it alongside depression. Anxiety often includes unrealistic fears. One mom I know said she was terrified to be left alone with her baby – like her baby was safe with anyone except her. There is a “what if something happens I can’t handle” sort of sensation.
But here is the real shocker: irritability, anger, frustration are components of anxiety and depression. I couldn’t believe I had feelings of anger when my baby cried. I was short with my husband and my other child. Furthermore, I snapped at friends and made snarky comments over the stupidest things. I was irritated all the time and it actually took me losing a friend to grasp how badly out of control I was.
Postpartum depression is both chemical and situational. It’s a fact, chemical and hormonal changes occur in the body after childbirth. Your body undergoes amazing, but drastic changes to give life to another person. If you choose to nurse, your body suddenly belongs to another person to sustain their life. You may need medication to help supplement or balance those changes. THERE IS NO SHAME IN TAKING ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDICATION. You’ll be shocked to learn just how many women take them and it’s a shame they feel they must do it in secret.
Your situation changes after childbirth. You don’t have time for yourself. You don’t sleep. The weight of the responsibility may burden you. Your sex life becomes non-existent. You may be staying home by yourself with baby. Lastly, expectation versus reality may be shocking to you once baby arrives. There are lot of life changes and you have little time to process what that means. Therapy can help you work through those changes. If you are struggling, seek medical attention. Seriously – babies get shaken when you don’t seek help.
I was unprepared for this. To clarify, I didn’t realize this was happening for while. I remember when my son was three months and he had a blow out in the middle of Target. It suddenly became a monumental task to change his diaper in a public place. I struggled to work a coffee pot and to get chores done. I felt confusion and perpetually overwhelmed, even clumsy.
Some women refer to it as “mom brain” but honestly, I think it has to do with postpartum depression. Difficulty functioning or being overwhelmed by small tasks might be a sign you are struggling with postpartum depression. No one told me that. Don’t feel ashamed asking for help – ever.
Friday nights are usually spent in bed now with my iPad or now laptop working and reading. I’m perfectly okay with this. My Friday nights used to be going out and having fun or going to a bar with a friend or two. I’m glad, as I get older, that it’s died down a little bit. With so much life going on right now, this is what it needs to be.
I actually… after all these years of crap jobs… enjoy my current job. I like what I do and I like where it’s going. The people I’m meeting and the things I’m doing are all I could ever dream of. I legitimately love the things I do for work now, and that makes me happy.
Cut back two months ago, maybe a little bit more, and I was interviewing for this position I currently have — nervous as anything that I wasn’t going to get it, and nervous as anything that I would get it. I was kept waiting and waiting and almost a month went by. I started to get really apprehensive about everything knowing this is what I wanted and also… not what I wanted. I was terrified. If I got the position, I was going to have to move across the country — 2700 miles away from home. If I didn’t get it, I was going to be really upset that I wasn’t getting out of PA just yet.
July 28th. It was that Friday at 9 in the morning that I got that email from the hiring manager who said in the title “Please give me a call ASAP!!” Right there, with that title, I knew it was something great. I started crying almost as I walked away from my desk to go call her from my car and cell phone. I was offered the position; at nearly triple my salary. My managers at my current project already knew and kept it from me for a day. They had made arrangements for me to start that Tuesday with the company and new pay period — and I was already headed down to Virginia and DC that same week to do on boarding for the company and meet with the primary. I was a nervous wreck.
I was now the Social Media Marketing Specialist for the National Center for Telehealth and Tech (T2) project based out in Tacoma, Washington. I was an art director, content writer, image creator, blogger and head honcho for my social media content on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and LinkedIn.
With the position comes relocation, and the start of a new life with my partner and best friend. We’ve always wanted to go to the mountains — and away we go. I’m so excited to start my life out there. Even though I will be far from home, I know I’ll still get to see my mom and important people in my life with them coming out there, or with me going back to PA and NJ where my family and friends are. There’s so much excitement, however, I’m still scared to death. I’m not freaking out yet… but I know it’s coming one of these days. With being that far from my friends and family; it’s going to take some time getting used to. Yes, I’ll have my best friend with me and of course we will meet new people out there together. But it won’t be the same comfort we’re used to at first.
It’s September 15th today. September 16th if you want to get technical because it’s just passed midnight already. And we only have 70 days. 70 days until we make that drive across the country. 70 days until I don’t see my little kitties for close to 6 months. 70 days until we start our new life.
Everything will all work out fine, I’m sure of it.
Everyone has hopes; you’re human after all.
This feeling is not sadness; this feeling is not joy. I truly understand, please don’t cry now.
Please don’t go, I want you to stay. I’m begging you please, please don’t leave here.
I don’t want you to change; for all the hurt that you feel.
The world is just illusion; trying to change you.
I’m sitting at Barnes and Nobles right now, at 8 pm at night on a Thursday and I’ll probably be here tomorrow night as well since I now have nothing to do ever anymore. This holiday season took a toll on me, and I’m not ashamed to say that. Sometimes life gets the best of you. I’ve relapsed. I don’t want to relapse. It’s the same things every time. And something needs to change with my life. I’m just not sure what that change is yet.
As I sit here, listening to VNV Nation and the Babelsberg Film Orchestra; it makes me wonder. It makes me think. What did I possibly do wrong? What about my imperfect life could I possibly have done wrong to drive away the one I love yet again? Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be anymore? Maybe I was the only one willing to put up a fight to stay happy and try to hold everything together for a second maybe third try? I don’t know why this keeps happening to me all the time. Maybe this was a lesson to me in what I’ve been doing wrong? I don’t know.
I don’t regret the choices I have made. These are feelings that do not pass so easily. How can I forget; what we’ve claimed as ours? Moments lost, as time remains. I’m so proud of what we were. No pain remains, no feelings; eternity awaits. Grant me wings so I may fly. My beloved, do you know; when the warm wind comes again; another year will start to pass. And please don’t ask me why I’m here; something deeper brought me that I need to remember. My beloved, do you know; how many years I’ve stared at clouds, thinking that I saw you there? These are feelings that do not pass so easily; how can I forget what we’ve claimed as ours?
I think it got to the point where I just wasn’t happy but I was trying because I was so happy and content with my life and how it was going to end up. If given the proper chance, I will take it and I will give you another shot to prove yourself. If that’s not enough, then it’s not enough. I have paid my dues and I have been here for you this whole time. Maybe you might not have realized it, and maybe you just don’t want to realize it. But I have always been there. I have always asked “How was your day?” When I know you’ve had a terrible day and you might want to talk about it. I’ve always made sure you felt wanted and needed by me. I have taken the time to craft envelopes for you to open in everyday life situations and you ignored them. I’ve always cleaned for you because I know you hate it; even thought I hated it as well. I did these things for you, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
I’m sorry you weren’t happy like I was. Nothing was done wrong on either or our ends. It got to the point where my love, just wasn’t enough for you, or maybe it was too much for you and you didn’t want it anymore. It got to the point to where whenever I saw you I wasn’t happy. I admit it. And I missed that. I guess it got to the point to where it was.. almost a requirement to see you on certain days because you made it so. You made it like that and I’m sorry I agreed to it. We should see each other when we want and how often we wanted if there was truly love and a spark there anymore. I didn’t feel it half the time towards the end, and I’m sorry to admit that. I wanted to feel it. I tried to feel it. But I most definitely agree there needed to be a break to be able to miss each other again. I want to miss you. I want to look forward to seeing you, and I want to look forward to doing the things we used to when the connection was seamless. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with you.
I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not senseless. And I will let the pain inside me die; eventually. My life was full of us, and so much of us, maybe I lost myself. I wasn’t the happy go lucky girl anymore that I was when we hung out as friends and in the beginning of the relationship the second time around. I know that now – I feel different. I’m sad now, but that’s because I feel like I’ve broken everything but I haven’t. We both did. You did by not wanting to work on anything and ignoring me and what we had, and I did by trying too much to fix what we had.
Something needs to change, and I’m not quite sure what that is yet to be honest. Just… something. Whether I need to move and distance myself away from this area because everywhere I go reminds me of us… or whether it’s just finding something different to be passionate about. I honestly don’t know. I just know that since this my anxiety is through the roof and something needs to be done about that first before I can make any firm decisions. I have a feeling this is where everything stems from and I will be a lot happier in life if I got help with the anxiety and depression I deal with from time to time. I’m finally admitting I need some help, and maybe even medication to help ease the anxiety pain. That’s first on my list now. I have to take care of me, and everything and everyone else; can wait.
Lay me down, and wash this world from me. No moment was made to last. There are better days to come. Who will be there; to remember who we were? Who will be there to know that any of this had meaning for us? The sun was born; so it shall die. Only shadows now comfort me. I know in darkness, I will find you; giving up inside like me. Each day shall end as it begins. And though you’re far away from me; I know in darkness I will find you; giving up inside like me. I will forget that we were once dust from heaven. As were forged, we shall return; perhaps someday. I will remember us, and I will wonder who we were.
Should they include you, I’m not sure yet, that’s not for me alone to decide. Answers will come in time, and when they do come, please let them be clear. My love for us will never be forgotten; and I will always miss it.
“When you’re dumb enough for long enough, you’re gonna meet someone too smart to love you, and they’re gonna love you anyway, and it’s gonna go so poorly.” – Neil Hilborn, Ballad of the Bruised Lung
Been awhile, life’s been crazy. I’ve been trying to find the time to keep writing but I just haven’t had any. I mean I have, but I’ve had no ideas really to make me want to write anything substantial in my opinion. It’s been a blur to be honest, I can’t believe a year has almost gone by since myself and guy started dating again.. and it makes me feel semi good, that I can make it better than the last time we dated since we both effed up the last time and several times after that. Seems like we can’t just get it right.. Maybe this time won’t be so bad… here’s to hoping!
I’ve taken some photos recently, with guy’s other camera the Sony a6000 and I like it. But I only like it with the 90mm Macro since it’s amazing. I kind of want it. But there’s no way I can afford the lenses for it. Yes, I can borrow his, but what’s that going to do for me should something happen with myself and him. I will never give up my Canon camera for something else. I would only add to it. I plan on trying to start a collection of some sorts and when I finally get a home, I will have a camera closet for all my things.
Here are a few shots of the Sony a6000 that I took just yesterday around Nanticoke, PA.
When you’re tired of waiting and time is not on your side
When you’re tired of hating me, you no longer want to hide
It’s time for another session of relaxation and tea bath before my roommates get home and take their long shower. I’ve been thankful enough to get to take some nice showers lately thankfully, and it’s helping my mood a lot surprisingly. *hand clap* Off I go because then I’m going to sleep forever tonight, maybe I’ll put my hair in curlers again. We’ll see since it seems to poof then I use them, lol!
Cheers,
xoxox
Virtually Yours, Koral Dawn 