Tag Archives: birthday

I Am The Wind

“When you’re dumb enough for long enough, you’re gonna meet someone too smart to love you, and they’re gonna love you anyway, and it’s gonna go so poorly.” – Neil Hilborn, Ballad of the Bruised Lung

Been awhile, life’s been crazy. I’ve been trying to find the time to keep writing but I just haven’t had any. I mean I have, but I’ve had no ideas really to make me want to write anything substantial in my opinion. It’s been a blur to be honest, I can’t believe a year has almost gone by since myself and guy started dating again.. and it makes me feel semi good, that I can make it better than the last time we dated since we both effed up the last time and several times after that. Seems like we can’t just get it right.. Maybe this time won’t be so bad… here’s to hoping!

I’ve taken some photos recently, with guy’s other camera the Sony a6000 and I like it. But I only like it with the 90mm Macro since it’s amazing. I kind of want it. But there’s no way I can afford the lenses for it. Yes, I can borrow his, but what’s that going to do for me should something happen with myself and him. I will never give up my Canon camera for something else. I would only add to it. I plan on trying to start a collection of some sorts and when I finally get a home, I will have a camera closet for all my things.

Here are a few shots of the Sony a6000 that I took just yesterday around Nanticoke, PA. 

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When you’re tired of waiting and time is not on your side
When you’re tired of hating me, you no longer want to hide

It’s time for another session of relaxation and tea bath before my roommates get home and take their long shower. I’ve been thankful enough to get to take some nice showers lately thankfully, and it’s helping my mood a lot surprisingly. *hand clap* Off I go because then I’m going to sleep forever tonight, maybe I’ll put my hair in curlers again. We’ll see since it seems to poof then I use them, lol!

Cheers,

xoxox

If I Had My Own World…

I’d build you an empire. From here to the far lands -To spread love like violence. Let me feel you, carry you higher. Watch our words spread hope like fire… Secret crowds rise up and gather – Hear your voices sing back louder. ❤

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. I’m calling myself half dead, because 50 seems like too many years to live I think. And if I’m not half dead, well then I guess people are going to have to deal with me just a bit longer then right? Tomorrow should be filled with fun and awesome and things to do because it’s my big 25. You only turn 25 once, and I think that’s a milestone in my opinion. Lately, I’ve been happy and doing alot of things that make me feel awesome, and with tomorrow being my birthday, I should still feel that way. … so why don’t I?

I paid my bills, I fed myself, I’ve fed my kitties and even cleaned the house majorly yesterday and did laundry all day because it had to be done. I’ve been listening to Angels and Airwaves all day (yesterday and today) and I almost forgot how much I love these guys and how much I can relate to alot of their lyrics. I don’t know why I’m not feeling happy these last couple days to be honest. Maybe it’s because alot of family couldn’t be at my birthday at mom’s and the fact that they won’t come see me in PA at all? Maybe it’s because I’m sleeping terrible at night again for no reason? Maybe it’s because I haven’t had that awesome connection with someone that I really want.

Maybe, it’s because I do everything for everyone and not many people can do a simple thing for me like even travel out to PA to visit me or even send a simple message of “hey how are you, how’s things going for you out there?” I’m tired of telling everyone when I’ll be back in NJ to go to mom’s house because no one even cares all too much about me being there anyway (friend wise) and the only people I really care to see are my grandparents right now. Everyone keeps telling to move back to NJ and live there. No. Why would I go back to NJ and have you all talk to me again since I’m there? I’m not out of sight out of mind here, I’m only a 2 hour drive away and you people can’t even make that small trip to see me here, why do I need to move back there? Because it’s a convenience for you? You’re not a friend, you just someone who doesn’t care and I’m not subjecting myself to fake friends anymore. I actually have people here in PA that care about me, or so I’d like to think that, and I’m not moving back to a place that could care less even when I come every damn week to visit.

On another note, I don’t know what I’m doing for my birthday tomorrow yet except getting my nails done with two girl friends in the morning. I hope I go tonight to get my mattress instead of cramming everything in in the morning. I don’t feel like getting up super duper early and running up to Sams Club at 9am to drag a mattress inside my apartment and then deciding what to do with the old one. That’s going to be interesting, unless I try and sell it tonight if I get the new one tonight. We’ll see what happens though. I’m hoping it’s tonight so I can enjoy a good night’s sleep for my birthday.

I think I should go see a movie tonight and take myself on a date because… everyone else is busy and I’d prefer to go alone anyway I think. Since I just found out I’m not getting my mattress tonight but rather tomorrow morning, I have some time to kill and I don’t feel like sitting home alone bored on the eve of my birthday. That’s just stupid. No one is ever around on Fridays and I’m always bored and have nothing to do, lol. And now that it’s my birthday, I don’t know what to do tonight, so I guess movie it is. I’ll treat myself to some fat food too and be happy and ignore people for a couple hours.

I’m off to shower and going to braid my hair so it can curl and look weird. It’s long enough and I don’t know how to use a curling iron, lol and I’m too lazy to YouTube anything right now. I don’t even think I know where my curling iron is at the moment… oops. I’m such a terrible girly girl. I should really take some lessons.

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Audience of One

Good evening everyone!

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at home still in clothes sitting at my computer, rather, staring at it to give me some inspiration for doing some art, and so far, I have come up with nothing. I should probably do some work today to make some money but I’m honestly quite lazy right now and don’t feel like doing anything at the moment. My creativity has come to a halt and I don’t know why or what’s happened lately. I need to get out and do some photos or something but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

I decided to make a new blog signature and even that took me about a half hour of just playing around in Photoshop, but I think I’ve finally settled on something. What do you guys think? It’s nothing special really, but I couldn’t figure out which graphic to use for it and then remembered I had an awesome Raven to use and there it is. Thoughts? Anyone? Bueler?

Anyway, there’s nothing really new going on I need to talk about these days except I’ve been a little bit better for some reason. Still lonely, yes, because I come home every night alone but hey, there are alot of people out there that come home alone every night and they’re fine, right? I’m just one of those people now, lol. I wish I had someone to come home to every night, but I just have cats, and I think i’s going to stay like that for a very long time sadly. I’ve always told myself I was better off alone anyway, but you know what, I do get lonely too you know. Sometimes I just need a damn cuddle or something lol. Yeah, good luck with that one anymore though I usually say to myself.

On to more pressing things, my birthday is in 21 days, and I’m kind of excited! I’m turning 25… a quarter of a century old, and man do I feel it. In my mind I think I’m still young… I want to think I’m still young, but I only give myself till 50, so technically I’m half dead at this point come September 19. I need a mid life crisis I think if that’s the case. Before I die though, I need to get the one car I’ve wanted for ever… a Mustang. Yeah yeah yeah, I know not everyone likes them and people that drive them are all assholes according to some people but whatever. I’ve always wanted one, and before I die, I will get one, somehow. I want a newer one though, 2015 or 2016 model. You know, the one that looks like a Nissan squished out a Mustang logo and called it a new Mustang… yeah that one. I think they’re gorgeous. And let’s face it, I’ll never own a McLaren or Bugatti that I want so I better settle for something atleast remotely reasonable.

I think I’m going to actually go and get some Oreos and Milk and relax on the couch since I don’t do that much anymore. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but whatever. This is my rant for the night since I have nothing else to say right now. More later or another day when I’m feeling more energetic.

 

25 Things To Do

I’ve come to realize that I’ll be 25 in less than 2 months… And I haven’t done enough of these.
Who is going to help me do these that I have left (the ones that require people at least…)

1. Make peace with your parents. Whether you finally recognize that they actually have your best interests in mind or you forgive them for being flawed human beings, you can’t happily enter adulthood with that familial brand of resentment.

2. Kiss someone you think is out of your league; kiss models and med students and entrepreneurs with part-time lives in Dubai and don’t worry about if they’re going to call you afterward.

3. Minimize your passivity.

4. Work a service job to gain some understanding of how tipping works, how to keep your cool around assholes, how a few kind words can change someone’s day.

5. Recognize freedom as a 5:30 a.m. trip to the diner with a bunch of strangers you’ve just met.

6. Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together.

7. If you’re employed in any capacity, open a savings account. You never know when you might be unemployed or in desperate need of getting away for a few days. Even $10 a week is $520 more a year than you would’ve had otherwise.

8. Make a habit of going outside, enjoying the light, relearning your friends, forgetting the internet.

9. Go on a 4-day, brunch-fueled bender.

10. Start a relationship with your crush by telling them that you want them. Directly. Like, look them in the face and say it to them. Say, I want you. I want to be with you.

11. Learn to say ‘no’ — to yourself. Don’t keep wearing high heels if you hate them; don’t keep smoking if you’re disgusted by the way you smell the morning after; stop wasting entire days on your couch if you’re going to complain about missing the sun.

12. Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be.

13. Find a hobby that makes being alone feel lovely and empowering and like something to look forward to.

14. Think you know yourself until you meet someone better than you.

15. Forget who you are, what your priorities are, and how a person should be.

16. Identify your fears and instead of letting them dictate your every move, find and talk to people who have overcome them. Don’t settle for experiencing .000002% of what the world has to offer because you’re afraid of getting on a plane.

17. Make a habit of cleaning up and letting go. Just because it fit at one point doesn’t mean you need to keep it forever — whether ‘it’ is your favorite pair of pants or your ex.

18. Stop hating yourself.

19. Go out and watch that movie, read that book, listen to that band you already lied about watching, reading, listening to.

20. Take advantage of health insurance while you have it.

21. Make a habit of telling people how you feel, whether it means writing a gushing fan-girl email to someone whose work you love or telling your boss why you deserve a raise.

22. Date someone who says, “I love you” first.

23. Leave the country under the premise of “finding yourself.” This will be unsuccessful. Places do not change people. Instead, do a lot of solo drinking, read a lot of books, have sex in dirty hostels, and come home when you start to miss it.

24. Suck it up and buy a Macbook Pro.

25. Quit that job that’s making you miserable, end the relationship that makes you act like a lunatic, lose the friend whose sole purpose in life is making you feel like you’re perpetually on the verge of vomiting. You’re young, you’re resilient, there are other jobs and relationships and friends if you’re patient and open.

Source: Lexietomtom.tumblr.com

Number 23 might be a little hard to do in 2 months… But that will be done by the time I’m 30 then.

More later, of course.

Cheers,
xoxox

||KoralDawn||

A Few Photos

Here are a few photos I wanted to show off a bit.

Not all of them are here, but mostly the ones associated with my new Twitter handle, @KoralDawnPhoto. (By the way, go follow this and I’ll make you cookies…) You can get all the updates to my photography and my designs if I ever decide to do anymore.

Let me know what you think of these!

 

||KoralDawn||

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I Am Human.

..and I need to be loved, just like everybody else. 

Been awhile, sorry about that. So much going on with my life, work, Etsy, home life, kitties and worrying about mom and things among that fashion. I miss my best friend.. thank God she’s coming over this weekend for her birthday outing and stuff. I think we’re going to TGIFridays and getting her a drink or two. 

I’m currently sitting at work right now, and this one girl is talking on the phone with someone who appears to be deaf. She’s yelling into the phone for no reason. I think the person really is deaf then. Holy crap. That’s the only thing I hate about sitting in a small office with such little amounts of people. I wish I worked in a big office, so I could get away with so much more. I do my job, of course, but it isn’t that hard really. And the project we’re working on isn’t that bad now… once we told the person operating it to slow down and relax. 

I really want to get Jim something for his birthday, but I don’t know what. I already paid $100 for his hockey things, but he expects more, and well, I just don’t have the money. And there’s a grudge I’m kind of holding so, yeah. Magic cards it is then I guess. Since I know that’s what he wants really. 

I’ve been busy this week organizing things and such on my Etsy Store. I just opened it and am waiting for someone to buy something. It’s an awesome place to search things and buy and sell, I just have to wait for the right people to come and look at my things I guess. Have a look at The Store. I know I have atleast 20 followers on here :] 

Anyway, just plain text for today, no pictures, I’m sorry. I have to get back to work, which is blah.