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Distraction in the Modern World – Taryn the Dragon

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Greetings to The Unsanity readers from Taryn The Dragon in South Africa. I work full time in the Data industry, study part time and blog on the side. I’m quite new to blogging and this is my first guest post. I’m super amped to have this opportunity. Thanks so much Koral Dawn.

dragonballWhat you need to know about me

I have depression and anxiety and a host of other chronic illnesses that have had a huge effect on my life. In 2019 I entered therapy to deal with all of the stress. I’m on a journey and I have had to take a deep look at myself and the world around me. There is an underlying theme that comes up often with mental health issues is that of mindfulness: Being conscious or aware and present in the moment.

Recently I have been watching videos that could help me become more in tune with myself. Observing people like Dr Gabor Mate, Alan Watt, Dandapani, in the hopes of understanding what mindfulness truly means. I know it sounds cliché but it has been quite a revelation. You can find my musings about this journey on http://www.dragonscodex.net.

Let’s talk about the world we live in

Adulting does not come with an instruction manual. Even great parenting does not quite prepare you for living in this golden age of technology. Information at the click of a button. Friends on WhatsApp (1 billion users) or WeChat (697 million users) or Facebook (1.59 billion users). Strangers on Twitter (320 million users) or Instagram (400 million users). Family just a Skype (300 million users) call away. [1] How do we actually get anything done? What I’m saying is that we now live for the thrill of ‘Distraction’. And this is why we need to cultivate a mind-set geared towards mindfulness.

How to move beyond distraction

Have you ever looked at your device and just thought “FFS ~ now what!?”. That’s a very good indication that you need to start practicing mindfulness for your own sanity. Let’s explore a few mindfulness concepts to aid you in your daily success.

Stop making excuses

Image by TeroVesalainen from Pixabay

Do what you say you are going to do. If that means going to the gym at 5am, do that without fail. You are building trust with yourself and in so doing gaining confidence in your decision making.

Control your awareness

Multi-tasking is great but it splits your focus and actually makes it harder to allot sufficient time to a specific endeavour. If you’re working on a proposal put the phone away and close your emails. The world will not fall apart if you give yourself 20 minutes to do something. Focus on this one thing. If your attention drifts bring it back to what you are doing.

Meditate

Image by CadreLuxe from Pixabay

No I don’t mean go assume the cross-legged sitting asana and chant endlessly, unless that’s your jam. I mean have some quiet time to get away from the noise. Be still, sit with your thoughts, have a nice cup of coffee. Be comfortable doing absolutely nothing and being alone.

Get clarity

Know what you want to achieve. Know how you are going to achieve it. The easiest way to do this is to make a list or keep a journal. And always note your achievements as they keep you on the path you want to travel.

Walk away from energy vampires

Ain’t nobody got time for this! To quote Dandapani: “Treat energy the same way you treat money. It’s a finite resource that needs to be wisely managed and invested.”

Uplift others

Image by Grae Dickason from Pixabay

When stuck in your own mind or even your own world where things are not quite going according to plan, do something for someone else without expecting any benefit in return. By uplifting others you uplift yourself. You’re present in a beautiful moment that will keep you going through difficult times.

Embrace change

All of these concepts require some effort on your part. It means you need come to terms with changing your life. As for me, it has helped me find this lovely Zen spot where there is less stress, more energy and more love. I’m really enjoying it this balance.

[1] Attribution for stats: https://makeawebsitehub.com/social-media-sites/

What You Can Do to Make Someone’s Holiday Memorable – Aaliyah Holt

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The holidays are coming up, a wonderful time of year. The one thing that makes them depressing is having no money to spend on the holidays. It really sucks being broke, seeing things you want to buy but no money to do so, and not being able to get a job. (I’ll get into why I cannot find/get a job.)
It’s best to do holiday shopping before Thanksgiving because if you wait until like mid-December, there is a chance you won’t have much to get. I would love to do some holiday shopping. For instance, I need equipment for my YouTube Channel to better my videos.
The holidays are usually when things go on sale. Say a camera costs 500 dollars, it could drop to 300 for Christmas.
I have explained in Autism And Unemployment (link above) my struggles with finding employment because the jobs in my area do not have the settings I need. I will perform better in a job with my settings than in a job without my settings. I also explained in this blog the struggles that most autistic people face with employment.
This is to give you a backstory on why I do not have a job; which is mostly due to my mental health and stress levels. When I get too stressed, I will get a stress-related bald spot in my hair and gain weight. Another thing I would love to do is to travel for the holidays, weather permitting. However, due to no money, I can’t do that. I just hate being stuck in Illinois, sometimes I want to get out, just to give myself a mental break. There are a lot of places I want to go. Heck, I want traveling to be a job!
My grandma used to get me Just Dance for Christmas or my birthday (December 31st). She stopped, however, I reckon due to no money. Sometimes I wonder what good is getting hyped for the holidays if I can’t do any of the activities I want due to being broke. The only money I get is from my Steemit Blog. However, I only get 3-5 cents a post and my hard work often feels like it gets ignored.
When I was little, my folks had more money, because they were working and brought home money every 2 weeks. Since they retired, they cannot do things like the used to. My mom also got me things when she used to work full-time. She was terminated when she couldn’t get the doctor to sign her disability papers. Thankfully, my mom now has a part-time job, but she doesn’t get the money like the did with full time.

What You Can Do to Make Someone’s Holiday Memorable

  • The holidays are not always a happy time for everyone. Someone people have no one to spend the holidays with. Check up on your friends.
  • If you want to travel, ask your friend if they want to go.
  • Get them a little gift for Christmas ( or whatever they observe).
  • Invite your friend over for dinner if you have a holiday dinner.
  • Take them out for New Years, just be careful. You have the power to do something.
  • Find something they would like from Amazon and put in their address in the shipping information.
These are just some things you can do to help someone who has no money or no one to spend the holidays with. I hope everyone’s holidays go swimmingly! Just remember what I said. You can make someone’s day: it takes little effort to do so.
Facebook: facebook.com/xaaliyahholtx/
YouTube: youtube.com/c/AaliyahHolt
Pinterest: pinterest.com/xaaliyahholtx/
Instagram: instagram.com/xaaliyahholtx/
Twitter: twitter.com/xaaliyahholtx
Blog Link: aaliyahholtblog.wordpress.com

Thanks to Aaliyah aka Jazz Holt for sending over this for me to share with everyone. We all struggle with anxiety of some sort, especially when around the holidays. Even I’m feeling it myself because I don’t have a job currently as well. My mental health doesn’t affect me getting a job, but some days, it very well feels like i’m about to have a breakdown. I manage to keep myself together most days. Remember, there are other ways to show someone you care around the holidays that don’t include spending much money. 

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7 AMAZING WAYS TO BEAT DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY – Keep It Simple

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Hello everyone, you know the deal by now – here is my next guest blogger as promised. I do hope you are enjoying these as much as everyone who is submitting posts for me seems to be having! Our next one comes from Sharleen Fenn and you can check out her blog here.

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Keep It Simple

Launched in 2018 as a resource for discovering a simpler (more country) way of doing things. An expat Kiwi living in the SF Bay Area, growing vegetables in the back yard, finding local resources and ways to eat healthy(er), a passion for all things camping and outdoors. A love of made from scratch meals, diy, and card making, and overcoming challenges in day-to-day life. Sign up, join in, collaborate… Keep it simple!

7 AMAZING WAYS TO BEAT DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

Depression and anxiety are roadblocks to engagement in life. Everything is overwhelming, and often the sheer will to live recedes. Every single aspect of your life is impacted. There are several strategies to counteract the effects of depression and anxiety. Understanding your diagnosis, the medications you are on, where to find support, and how to incorporate coping skills into your daily routine puts control firmly back in your hands. You can bring your life back into focus.

ACCEPTANCE

You feel as if you have lost control over your life. You feel like things are happening to you, instead of because of you. Not being able to fully engage in daily tasks, or take care of your responsibilities, contributes to the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. The roller coaster of depression and anxiety is exhausting. Give yourself permission to accept each day, hour, moment, or second as being exactly the way it is supposed to be. Accept that developing coping skills is going to take time.

STAY IN THE MOMENT

Stop trying to predict the future or ruminate on the past. Focus on the now. Ask yourself what you need for this moment. What will make you feel better? Focus on what you CAN do and not on what you can’t do. Start with small tasks that give you a sense of accomplishment. Stop beating yourself up for not meeting the expectations of your well self. Each day is a new day, stop worrying about things that you cannot control.

CHEMISTRY GONE AWRY

Body chemistry changes over time. It can be episodic or longer term. If your body is not producing or absorbing certain neuro transmitter chemicals, symptoms can emerge. When chemistry changes enough, medication may be necessary. After a diagnosis, ask questions, do research, and keep an open mind. If medication is necessary, give it the prescribed time interval to work. Let your doctor know if you have any symptoms that you cannot live with. Keep trying; there will be a solution for you.

SUPPORT SYSTEM

Build a support system. Talk to other people who suffer from the same ailment. Hearing how they cope will boost your spirits. Identify someone who has what you want, has a great attitude, has a great story to share, and buddy up with them. Share your hopes and fears. Let the support system be your sounding board and sanity check. These people will hold you up when you cannot quite get there. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Others started right where you are.

POOR ME

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are better than that. Continue to act wounded and people will begin to treat you differently, not in a good way. You matter. You are a bright, wonderful, contributing human being who suffers from a condition that makes it difficult to get through the day. Stop acting how you feel, and start acting how you WANT to feel. After a while, your positive attitude will shine.

CHANGE HABITS

Living on junk food and reruns on Netflix is not a solution. Sunshine, fresh air, exercise…you need it. You have to keep moving. Your body needs certain vitamins and minerals to be well. Sunshine has vitamin D, which helps with calcium absorption, contributing to bone health. Minimize foods full of sugar, salt, additives, colorants, and preservatives. Incorporate more plant based foods into your diet. If you are not sleeping or sleeping too much, take action.

SELF CARE

You need to take care of you. What are your favorite things? Pamper yourself. Meditate, listen to encouraging, uplifting podcasts, or watch TED talks. Shower, brush your hair and change your clothes. Continue to do the things you love. Instead of attempting a big project, break it down into small tasks, and tackle one of those. Personal accomplishment is encouraging.

THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS

Did you know that the way you think, affects the way you feel, which affects the way you act? That is part of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Practice thinking positive outcomes. Think solutions, not problems. Think empathy, not anger. Think success, not failure. Don’t fall down the rabbit hole. Be aware that negative self-talk is defeating. Be the winner you are.

DON’T BE DISCOURAGED

Bottom line is you have a mental health condition that is treatable. Be patient. It takes time to learn new coping skills. Accepting your condition, your capabilities, staying in the now, taking care of yourself, developing a support system, and changing a few habits will have you on the mend. If you don’t take action, nothing will change. Take charge now. YOU are so worth it.

Note:All opinions expressed in this article are personal opinions of the author. This does not denote professional advice.

National (US) Helplines and mental health resources:

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Tell Me Truthfully

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Dear friends, followers, and anyone reading this;  

What would you change differently about it? What would you have said different? Is there something I’m missing? I would like to say goodbye to someone, before i leave from the area I am in, but I don’t know how to word things just right. I’m really put at a crossroads at this point. While I have let my personal emotions go, there’s still a part of me that will miss the friendship and extent of talking about this person. And I’m not sure how to say goodbye. I’ve tried undoubtedly hard to let everything go; and I have, honestly. This person made me who I am today, and I feel like a goodbye would be in order.. I don’t like to leave things open ended with anyone and closure and goodbyes are the way to do that. When once a major part of someone’s life, I feel that a proper goodbye is the way to let things go; it doesn’t matter who you are, or who you’ve become or what you’ll be down the line. Everyone is entitled to a goodbye.

If you received a message like this – honest and true – would you respond to it?

Hello.

You crossed my mind today. These last two weeks have really put into perspective for me how my life will be come October. I’ve had so many great things happen for me in such a short time and Im starting to feel alot happier with things, with someone by my side who accepts me for my past and how I am. 

I’m sorry to have upset you, or whatever it was I did at any given time. I was still bitter. And I accept your apology as well, even though I never received one. But we had a great friendship, before everything, and it was ruined. 

I am leaving PA for certain in October. And I would really like to have the chance to say goodbye; or something of the like with my last 4 months here. If not, I understand. Sometimes goodbyes are forever.

And I accept that.

When The Warm Wind Comes Again

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My beloved do you know; how many years I’ve stared at clouds thinking that I saw you there? These are feelings that do not pass so easily- How can I forget what we’ve claimed as ours? I’m still proud of what we were; no pain remains no feelings – eternity awaits. Grant me wings that I may fly.

Back at Barnes and Nobles again on a Friday night because I have no life and it gets me out of the house for the moment. I’m still listening to the same album from yesterday unfortunately. It soothes me and makes me feel happy to some extent; even though half of it makes me want to cry half the time because of the lyrics.. isn’t it obvious? They’re meaningful and I can relate to them a lot. (If you’re confused as to which album it is, it’s VNV Nation with the Babelsberg Film Orchestra – Resonance. I love orchestral pieces, and would like to go see another soon. I need to find me someone who wants to go to Broadway with me and see some plays. I tree up roaming the city and I miss it. I wish I could live there and work there. I’d make a perfect New Yorker in my opinion. I love people and I love the city. Too bad it’s so damn expensive. Maybe now that I no longer have to rely on someone and can do what my brain wants for once, I can try to look for a job in the city and move there and finally do what I want to do. That’s just a thought. Any city really… but New York is ideal for me since I can always take a train home and leave my car with mom.. that’s what I wanted to do from the start but it never got to that point and then things shifted and I moved to PA. Not saying I regret that at all.. I’ve met all the people I know today by moving here and giving up all those fake friends in NJ.. I’m glad I was able to move to a place outside my comfort zone – I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’m kind of shoved in a corner right now at Barnes and Nobles – I’ve made my nest and there are people all around me. I’m glad I’ve got my headphones on though – it drowns out het they’re saying because they’re disturbing my mental ability to put words together here for this post. There are definitely more people here than last night – and now there’s a baby crying next to me… Help. No bueno, no babies. Ugh. No wonder I never want any kids. I can’t even stand other peoples… unless I can give them back at the end of the day. I love them… when they’re not mine to take home. And for some reason they love me. I worked at a day camp for years, and I loved all the kids there but I would never never in a million years take any of them home with me or want to. They were the brattiest most annoying children ever with hardly any supervision. Every now and then you’d get a good kid who was quiet and not annoying at all and then hope seemed to be restored. But then – demon child from hell. Not something I wanted to deal with when taking them home. I’ve known for awhile now I never want children. And I was lucky enough to find someone who didn’t want them either.. now that they’re gone, I feel its going to be hard to find someone else that never wants children either. And truthfully does not want any, not just because they love me; but because that’s what they want as well.

I’ve moved now to my bed and have stopped writing for the night. It’s now Sunday night and 8pm. I’m sitting in bed doing nothing but this and Friends on TV. Romeo is sitting here staring at me, Moomoo is sleeping on my purse that’s on my bed. Tonight’s hard for me. He admitted he missed me and loved me, which is great.. but still refuses to act like a human adult and talk about problems and work on what we have. I want to know if I’m wasting my time. I don’t like wasting my time on things that will go nowhere. I have a life to live and I can’t keep putting my life on hold for everyone and everything. If nothing is better by April, I am then looking to move to another state again and start over and cut ties to everyone and everything.. I’ve thought about this recently more than I’d like to, but I think sometimes you just need to pick up and leave and not look back. Those that miss you will let you know and be there for you and those that don’t will show it by not making themselves present at all in your life. I already found out who my friends were once, I guess I’ll find that out again if I leave this area. I’ve not much left to give and I’m tired of wasting my time. Once my lease is up, over the summer maybe, and I can save up some money maybe.. I can leave and move on finally.

I shouldn’t be feeling like shit all the time; and I deserve to live. After all, I’m only 26 and I want to travel. Granted I don’t have much money but I want to be able to go where I want. I’ve thought about buying or renting an RV, packing up life and getting rid of everything I own and travel cross country with the Meows and see what happens. I wish I could just get up and leave and go somewhere far away like my friend Jessica did. She moved from Seattle to Australia and has been traveling ever since and I envy her so much. She is truly living life the way I want to I just don’t have the financial means and I will never give up my Meows for anything. They are what’s been holding me back from a lot- they are the glue that makes me sane and hold my head together. I’d be even more miserable without them. More and more I think about leaving and traveling.. it becomes the first thing in my mind when I wake up every day. Thinking – I just want to leave everything and not have to deal with anything ever again. I would worry about me myself and I .. and the meows because meow. Maybe one day – I just hope I’m not too old to handle myself. I want to do it young; and I wouldn’t mind having someone come with me.

Your hearts were never made of stone. Rise up you earth bound demons; rise up before me now and fight. Your time has finally come. Take me back before the years and memories … before the hourglass has drained; before the colors start to fade.

I Am The Wind

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“When you’re dumb enough for long enough, you’re gonna meet someone too smart to love you, and they’re gonna love you anyway, and it’s gonna go so poorly.” – Neil Hilborn, Ballad of the Bruised Lung

Been awhile, life’s been crazy. I’ve been trying to find the time to keep writing but I just haven’t had any. I mean I have, but I’ve had no ideas really to make me want to write anything substantial in my opinion. It’s been a blur to be honest, I can’t believe a year has almost gone by since myself and guy started dating again.. and it makes me feel semi good, that I can make it better than the last time we dated since we both effed up the last time and several times after that. Seems like we can’t just get it right.. Maybe this time won’t be so bad… here’s to hoping!

I’ve taken some photos recently, with guy’s other camera the Sony a6000 and I like it. But I only like it with the 90mm Macro since it’s amazing. I kind of want it. But there’s no way I can afford the lenses for it. Yes, I can borrow his, but what’s that going to do for me should something happen with myself and him. I will never give up my Canon camera for something else. I would only add to it. I plan on trying to start a collection of some sorts and when I finally get a home, I will have a camera closet for all my things.

Here are a few shots of the Sony a6000 that I took just yesterday around Nanticoke, PA. 

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When you’re tired of waiting and time is not on your side
When you’re tired of hating me, you no longer want to hide

It’s time for another session of relaxation and tea bath before my roommates get home and take their long shower. I’ve been thankful enough to get to take some nice showers lately thankfully, and it’s helping my mood a lot surprisingly. *hand clap* Off I go because then I’m going to sleep forever tonight, maybe I’ll put my hair in curlers again. We’ll see since it seems to poof then I use them, lol!

Cheers,

xoxox

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might…

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I haven’t written in a few weeks. I’ve been meaning to, I just find it harder and harder to function daily with the recent job loss and other things going on in my life. I can honestly say, I’m not happy with where my life is right now, and I need to do something about it. I can’t find a job for the life of me in this area, but I’m trying. I have all the qualifications for Office work and I don’t know why these people aren’t calling me back for jobs when I clearly am a good fit for most if not all of them. Even through the Unemployment website I’ve been applying and looking and doing everything I can recently. It’s just not fair sometimes. I wish things were easier, but then it wouldn’t be called life I guess. There are alot of things I have been wishing for recently, but none of it seems to be going my way at all and it’s starting to become frustrating beyond belief.

I wish so called “friends” were actually friends to me. I’m not a second choice and I’m not an after thought. I am the first choice or you don’t give an ultimatum. If you’re my friend, you wouldn’t say “Yeah, sure, if I’m not going over so and so’s house or doing something else.” If I’m asking you, it means yes or no, not to decide after your better something can’t hang out or you can’t do something else.

I wish people realized that I’m a good person. I’m not stupid, retarded, crazy or any other things that people make me out to be. So I like texting, big whoop. Get over yourself and grow up and answer when I talk to you or something. Get over it. Can’t talk to you or see you in any other way so I’m sorry that the only communication I have with some people is through the phone. And people nowadays don’t even want to talk on the phone or god forbid video chat. What is wrong with people these days? Stop throwing excuses at me and be a damn friend to me.

I wish there were more jobs available and that people would see that I am a good fit for a lot of the ones that are posted that I reply to. I shouldn’t have to go chasing for anything at all. That’s not how this works. I apply, I follow up, I expect an answer whether it’s a yes or no. Ignorance is not my friend, and especially in the work place of any kind. I don’t care if it’s a grocery store or an office job or I’m your manager. You answer me when I talk to you and in a polite fashion as well.

I wish I got treated with more respect than what I’m given. To be perfectly honest, alot of people don’t realize that when life knocks you down, it’s very hard to get back up without the help of friends or family. To put someone even farther in the ground when they’re already down is just not going to help them get back up. Reach a hand out and help who’s even down and maybe one day something nice will happen for you. I’m always the one helping people it seems and I hardly ever get anything in return from those I help or those that mean most to me. It seems I have bad choice in people, because when I would gladly take a bullet for someone, they wouldn’t do so for me, unless it’s my mom. And that I know. But yet, I continue to help people. It’s my downfall. And I never get anything back for it even in the kindness of a thank you or something else of the like.

I wish I could find a job in design or photography or something that I love doing. I haven’t been able to locate anything here and it’s not a big city. I don’t have the money to move to a big city and live there just to find a job that’s just going to support rent and nothing else. It’s almost pointless for me to go back to school now really to get anything new completed unless it’s an online course or certification of some sorts. But that is one option for me really.

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse
Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end,
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand
I’ve been here so long, I think that it’s time to move
The winter’s so cold, summer’s over too soon
Let’s pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I’ve got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we’ve had some times, I wouldn’t trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

Been at this now for awhile. Nothing’s going to get accomplished by writing and blabbering on here unless someone decides to be a friend and want to talk to me about what’s bothering me really. I maybe have a select few people I actually tell everything to. And even those people shouldn’t be told things because they just use them against me all the time anyway.

Cheers,

xoxox

|| Koral Dawn ||

Give Me These Moments Back

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It’s about 10PM on a Thursday night. I’m sitting on the couch on my laptop for once updating it finally and I have nothing to do. I have racked my brain for this entire week with job applications, interviews, and other things, and I need a break. I think my brain may explode if I do anything else today. I haven’t been able to sleep much recently either. I’m exhausted, but can’t fall asleep. Strange thing, you know, life? People float in and out of your life at the most random times and tonight, I’m seeing alot of that from everyone I associate with. One night they’re there to talk to, and open up to me, and the next they completely disappear for hours on end and don’t say a word. Well, my days go on and on without you here my dear.

Sometimes, I feel like just taking a bow and leaving everything behind and running away. Only sometimes though. Just me and the kitties and whatever money I have left and leaving or selling everything I own for more cash… and just going. It seems like a valuable option because at this point, I’m not sure what to do anymore. I don’t think I have much left here except a few people that I’d like to be around for a long time to come. And I highly doubt the one person I want to come with me will… but I’m not sure. I haven’t asked, but I’m certain the answer would be no or “good luck” and that’s it. I’m afraid to ask, even though I know we would want to.

I’m really starting to be bummed out about all this shit going on lately. My mind’s on overdrive right now and I’m not sure what to do anymore. Half of me is like eff this I’ll go home, and the other half, if not more, is like hell no, you need to do this the right way and not give up. Well, I’m almost at the point of giving up… and I hate to say that because I’ll be letting alot of people down including myself. I just hope I find a job I like soon. So far, there is nothing, and I can’t afford to live in the city with what I really am good at… Social Media or photography. There are jobs all OVER the place in places such as Dallas and NYC and California… but I can’t just up and leave and go… as much much much as I would. I really would.

I’m listening to Greg Laswell on my phone and man, do I love him. I owe that to Jim and a big thank you to him for introducing me to his music. While it’s sad and depressing it kind of makes me smile when I listen to him too. It’s odd, but I’m not complaining. There’s a quote at the bottom of this of mixed lyrics from him that mean something to me. I’ve been listening to him all night now and I can’t stop. They’re like the new Poets of The Fall for me, and that’s saying something because POTF is my favorite band still to this day and I get laughed at it sometimes for it.

I know this blog is really scatterbrained tonight, but that’s how my mind is alot of the time and I don’t even know how I deal with it sometimes, let alone other people and my close friends. I don’t know how I’m even enjoyable sometimes, to be honest. I’ve been so shitty lately and sad and miserable because of the stupidest things.. and I hate myself for it. Maybe I need to just get up and start one day like it’s going to be the best day ever and see what happens. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. The people I want to be with, don’t want to be with me, and the one I don’t want to be with want’s to be with me. How ironic? I’m not really sure  what to make of anything anymore. I’m so frustrated, and so overwhelmed by everything these days and so stressed out, and I know I really shouldn’t be. I wish I were happier all the time like some people I know around here. Maybe I do need to move and leave everything. Maybe I just need a fresh start. Be farther away from family because well, apparently, I’m not thought of much and when I am, the only people who still seem to care are Poppop and my mom so it would seem. Two is better than none, I’d say though.

Laswell

I might be gone a little while. I guess we’ll see. I have to make a home out of something… I should probably say that I’m unsure why I’m running away from the one thing that I love. Maybe down the road, I’ll see you in a blur.

Cheers,

xoxox

||Koral Dawn||