I haven’t written in a few weeks. I’ve been meaning to, I just find it harder and harder to function daily with the recent job loss and other things going on in my life. I can honestly say, I’m not happy with where my life is right now, and I need to do something about it. I can’t find a job for the life of me in this area, but I’m trying. I have all the qualifications for Office work and I don’t know why these people aren’t calling me back for jobs when I clearly am a good fit for most if not all of them. Even through the Unemployment website I’ve been applying and looking and doing everything I can recently. It’s just not fair sometimes. I wish things were easier, but then it wouldn’t be called life I guess. There are alot of things I have been wishing for recently, but none of it seems to be going my way at all and it’s starting to become frustrating beyond belief.

I wish so called “friends” were actually friends to me. I’m not a second choice and I’m not an after thought. I am the first choice or you don’t give an ultimatum. If you’re my friend, you wouldn’t say “Yeah, sure, if I’m not going over so and so’s house or doing something else.” If I’m asking you, it means yes or no, not to decide after your better something can’t hang out or you can’t do something else.

I wish people realized that I’m a good person. I’m not stupid, retarded, crazy or any other things that people make me out to be. So I like texting, big whoop. Get over yourself and grow up and answer when I talk to you or something. Get over it. Can’t talk to you or see you in any other way so I’m sorry that the only communication I have with some people is through the phone. And people nowadays don’t even want to talk on the phone or god forbid video chat. What is wrong with people these days? Stop throwing excuses at me and be a damn friend to me.

I wish there were more jobs available and that people would see that I am a good fit for a lot of the ones that are posted that I reply to. I shouldn’t have to go chasing for anything at all. That’s not how this works. I apply, I follow up, I expect an answer whether it’s a yes or no. Ignorance is not my friend, and especially in the work place of any kind. I don’t care if it’s a grocery store or an office job or I’m your manager. You answer me when I talk to you and in a polite fashion as well.

I wish I got treated with more respect than what I’m given. To be perfectly honest, alot of people don’t realize that when life knocks you down, it’s very hard to get back up without the help of friends or family. To put someone even farther in the ground when they’re already down is just not going to help them get back up. Reach a hand out and help who’s even down and maybe one day something nice will happen for you. I’m always the one helping people it seems and I hardly ever get anything in return from those I help or those that mean most to me. It seems I have bad choice in people, because when I would gladly take a bullet for someone, they wouldn’t do so for me, unless it’s my mom. And that I know. But yet, I continue to help people. It’s my downfall. And I never get anything back for it even in the kindness of a thank you or something else of the like.

I wish I could find a job in design or photography or something that I love doing. I haven’t been able to locate anything here and it’s not a big city. I don’t have the money to move to a big city and live there just to find a job that’s just going to support rent and nothing else. It’s almost pointless for me to go back to school now really to get anything new completed unless it’s an online course or certification of some sorts. But that is one option for me really.

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse
Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end,
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand
I’ve been here so long, I think that it’s time to move
The winter’s so cold, summer’s over too soon
Let’s pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I’ve got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we’ve had some times, I wouldn’t trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

Been at this now for awhile. Nothing’s going to get accomplished by writing and blabbering on here unless someone decides to be a friend and want to talk to me about what’s bothering me really. I maybe have a select few people I actually tell everything to. And even those people shouldn’t be told things because they just use them against me all the time anyway.

Cheers,

xoxox

|| Koral Dawn ||