Tag Archives: mother

Dear Anxiety – Jess Ling

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People who know me may know that I am suffering from anxiety. But in fact, I don’t just suffer from anxiety, I have other psychological problems. I’ve never said to anyone else. Not because I am afraid, I just feel that there is no need to make things serious. Therefore, even if I know that I am living in anxiety, I will still choose a happy way to face it.

Maybe I was thinking that I could fix it and think that this is a small matter. When I started to want to deal with it, things have slowly accumulated, and I realized that I have never dealt with it. When I was a child, I lived in an ordinary family. My parents are easily upset and easily get angry, and when we were children, my family had been arguing all the time and fighting.

I remember that one day I saw my parents pick up the knife. My mother was very angry and wanted to die. My father left when I was only 7 years old, I didn’t know anything happened and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I know that this had been going on for many years, but I have never forgotten it. (I also know that this reason makes me unable to believe in human beings, belief in feelings, I think only myself is the most reliable. So this is also now everyone knows why I have never been good at discussing my relationship problems.)

Jess Ling - Anxiety

Of course, due to emotional problems, my parents Sometimes we will whip us because of venting. So you asked me which time was the saddest, I think I have passed. In the process of growing up, I didn’t have a day to be happy, at home, or at school. Many times I chose to be alone, eat alone, watch movies alone, and just want to do anything by myself.

I think anxiety is hard to explain because it can be different in a minute. I can still talk happily at this second, but I don’t know what will happen in the next second. This feeling may be a bit disturbing, but in fact, if you understand anxiety. Every day I still face anxiety; life is so embarrassing, but I still have to try, and I have been working hard on this. Sometimes, the most important thing to fight against anxiety is to keep positive thoughts, because many times I will be defeated by these negative emotions.

But please tell yourself that if you fail today is not important, we will come again tomorrow. Sometimes these days are repeated. I have been reminded many times how brave I have been these past years. Now, I have learned how to put down and face these things. I know it sounds terrible, I have to face so many things myself. But I think I just learn from these things, and when others encounter the same events, I can share and encourage.

Anxiety disorders are not terrible, don’t be afraid to be repelled. I believe that many friends in the world still dare not express or face their own anxiety. Please believe me, you are not alone. Because I live like this too. Today, I will share my past, not to make you feel how pitiful I am, I just want to help more people out of the woods. The messages I see every day are anxiety, depression, and how many people are taken away. This world should not be like this, so we must help each other.

Remember no matter what mental health, the best help if you need an audience, I will always be here.

Author Bio: Hi I am Jess (From Jerserry.com) a 20 something living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. A dog person and love to write about lifestyle, travel,food and more. I start my blog since May 2017, trying to be a full-time blogger and I love to write all the time, I also found out is a great place to meeting so many amazing people from all around the world through the blog. Here is a little story about me: I’m shy & weird, I don’t talk much, but I love to meet new friends. When I was in high school, I didn’t have many friends, so I always spent time alone and wrote my diary book until I got my first computer. I started to make a blog and start my blogger life (when I was 15) but if you have seen my post before about “A post about why I started blogging” you will know that I have changed few blog address before. This one will be stick with me forever and let me continue my journey! Let Be Friends!

My social media: Twitter Pinterest Instagram Blog Facebook

How Mindfulness Can Make Parenting Easier – Mother of All That is Perry

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Welcome! My name is Erin! I like to think of myself as agony aunt, funny mum and wordsmith of all things parenting from icky tums and dirty bums to baby blues and the terrible two’s.

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My social links are as follows:

How Mindfulness Can Make Parenting Easier

For a lot of people, becoming a parent is one of the best things in life. It’s enriching, rewarding and above all challenging! However, if you are a parent you will also know how stressful it can actually be.

Children have copious amounts of energy and need to be on the go all day. Their little minds work much faster than ours and so with everything else us adults have going on it can be pretty hard keeping up with the kids.

By the end of the day we can be worn out with very little energy to do anything else that needs done. Some parents turn to comfort food, others turn to wine but at the end of the day nothing has really changed and tomorrow will be the same. This is where mindfulness can help.

What Is Mindfulness

What Is Mindfulness?

The formal definition of mindfulness is:

“A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”

In my words, mindfulness is living in the moment. You must clear your head of every other thought about the past or the future. You also have to focus solely on what is around you.

Try it now. Take a deep breath and look at what is around you. Focus on something specific, maybe a candle… What does it feel like? How does it smell? What does it sound like? That… is Mindfulness.

Comfort Food

Mindfulness In Parenting

So, how can mindfulness be used in parenting to make it less stressful?

Most people get mindfulness confused with meditation. Obviously, they both require your full attention however, mindfulness does not have to be quiet and it doesn’t have to be alone. You could even practice mindfulness at a festival. And so, practicing mindfulness while parenting is easier than you think.

The first thing you need to do in order for this to work is turn off your phone (or at least out it on silent in another room). We live in an age where having your phone in your hand 80% of the day is normal, sadly. But, you have no idea how much more you will relax just by putting that phone down for an hour.

Secondly, turn off any other electronics that are likely to cause a distraction. You want your kids to practice Mindfulness too rather than sitting watching a mind numbing program that they’ve probably seen 3 times before.

Then pick an activity that is going to use all your senses. For babies you could get a “touchy feely” book, for toddlers you could do some arts and crafts, for children you could bake and for something for the whole family: go for a walk. You might be surprised by how much there is to focus on outside. By choosing an activity with a lot of texture or dynamics you can spend more time on it.

Finally, break convention! You have to think like a child, smell the puddles, taste a twig, listen to a leaf. I know I might sound like a raving loony but take it from somebody who practices mindfulness with her kids: spending an hour, taking the time to become aware of your surroundings is going ton help you unwind and tire the kids out.

How Do Children Benefit From Mindfulness?

As I said before, practicing mindfulness takes a lot of brain power which can tire your children out and keep them from getting bored. By taking time in the activity you do, you’ll find your child learns much more than what they would at a standard pace. These are great benefits for your child but teaching our children about mindfulness will also help future generations. Hopefully our children will make a habit of practicing mindfulness and teach their children to take time away from distractions. It may not seem like a big deal but I almost guarantee that if everybody practiced mindfulness daily, the world would be a little more positive.

Minfulness In Parenting

What No One Tells You About Postpartum Depression – Mary Lentz

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Another guest for everyone at the Unsanity today! Please give a warm welcome to Mary, who gets very real about PostPartum Depression after having a child. Thanks so much for opening up and giving our readers some insight as to what it looks like.

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Mary Lentz is a stay-at-home mom and lifestyle blogger at My Beautiful Mess, which offers motherhood support, personal growth, and parenting tips and advice. You can learn more about homemaking skills, organizational help, and entertaining in weekly posts. She is also a strong advocate for emotional wellness and mental health awareness. You can find her on the following platforms and social media:

MY INSTAGRAM: @my_beautiful_mess_blog
MY TWITTER: @maryrobinson

What No One Tells You About Postpartum Depression

Before motherhood, I just assumed that Postpartum Depression was simply feeling down after giving birth. I had no idea just what it caused you to think, feel, and believe about yourself and your child. Today, I want to share with you what no one tells you about postpartum depression.

I’ve suffered depression my entire life. As a bi-polar patient, I was at special risk for postpartum depression. When I was pregnant, doctors talked to me about weepiness and sadness after giving birth. But I never realized just what postpartum depression would cause me to think and feel. Early in my motherhood journey, I was surprised to learn what no one tells you about postpartum depression… that it rears its head in feelings of irritation, frustration, inadequacy, futility, and loneliness.

You May Not Feel Love or Bond With Your Child

 

When I was pregnant with my first son, I spent hours daydreaming of his little face. I couldn’t wait to hold him, kiss him and love on him. I’m sure there are women who instantly bond with their child. But I didn’t and post partum depression had a lot to do with that. About 3 weeks after giving birth, I felt like I was holding a stranger. I didn’t know what his cries meant.

I just assumed everything was instinctual – that you just magically know and understand your newborn as soon as they come out. Maybe I was naive. However,I never expected to feel completely overwhelmed, flustered, and frustrated. Who knew depression would increase those feelings exponentially?

Depression maybe a mental condition, but it distresses the heart. It directly interfered with my ability to fall in love with my little boy. It took a while for me to truly feel that loving warmth. Don’t get me wrong, I cared for him. Logically, I loved him, but I didn’t feel the crazy, obsessive kind of love I feel now. If you’re struggling to dote and love your newborn, you may have post-partum depression. The cure? The more you hug and hold your baby, the closer you’ll feel…sooner.

You’ll Cry Over Nothing and Everything

 

With my first son, I was determined to breastfeed. My son was born prematurely and it took 6-7 days for my colostrum to come in. I was so sad that my little guy was having to take a bottle until my boobies got their act together. My weak little boy was burning too many calories trying to nurse and was quickly losing weight. Therefore, doctors suggested I pump for the first month and supplement with formula. I was heartbroken.

There is a saying, “there is no use crying over spilt milk.” I don’t know what the etymology is, but I’m willing to wager it had to do with breastmilk. This stuff is liquid gold! At about two weeks postpartum, I had spent the entire day pumping frequently. I squeezed out 2 oz making a total of 5 oz for the day. While I was taking the flanges off the pump, I accidentally hit and spilt all the milk. Every. Last. Drop.

I shrieked so loudly, my husband came racing down the stairs. My mother came running in. “No! No!” I wailed in a blood curdling cry, like when someone gets word someone has died. That’s what my husband thought had happened. That someone had died. My whole body shook as I sobbed and clutched that pathetic empty bottle to my chest. When I finally calmed down, I explained to them what had happened. They didn’t understand. They stared in confusion, surprised by my dramatics.

 
No one told me postpartum depression would cause every set back or failure to seem futile. Small problems yielded big reactions. You might think depression makes you quiet and despondent, but depression actually unbalances all your emotions. My reactions were excessive, dramatic, and desperate. In those long eight months of depression, I cried over anything, everything, and nothing.

You May Wish You’d Never Become A Mom

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to admit. It makes me cringe just knowing I had these kinds of thoughts. It’s surprising to learn other moms have this thought too. As a new mom, you can feel so inadequate. The first night I brought my son home from the hospital, I had this thought. He cried for three strait hours and when I couldn’t comfort him, I felt as if I’d made a huge mistake. Maybe, I’m not cut out for this. He deserved someone better. Someone who knew what she was doing.

 

Learning your newborn can be incredibly frustrating. Don’t listen to the hype. Food, sleep, burping, or a clean diaper are just a few things your child wants. They can cry for thousands of reasons and when you can’t soothe them, you can feel like you have no business being a mom. I was very grateful to have my mom after delivery. But when she’d swoop in and take over, it left me feeling even more useless and incompetent.

 

Depression can make you have all kinds of hopeless thoughts. I had a few miscarriages before I gave birth to my oldest son. So when this thought crept in, it made me feel even more guilty. After all, I wanted this. Now I know, depression causes these thoughts.

You May Feel Isolated and Lonely

 

Having a child changes your life. A child ties you down. If you’re a new mom, you may even feel anxious about leaving the house with your baby. Routine can be helpful, but monotony can add to depression. Be aware of how much you shut yourself inside the house.

I remember posting pictures of my first son on social media. You would’ve never guessed how sad and isolated I felt. I was so lonely. The days seemed long waiting for my husband to return home. If you are not returning to work, you may even feel more alone. Work friends move on and suddenly your spouse becomes the sole provider for your social life. That’s not healthy!

 

Challenge yourself to get out of the house. The more cooped up you are at home, the more isolated you’ll feel. I share the things that helped me while staying home in the post How To Stay Sane As A Stay At Home Mom.

You May Feel Anxious or Angry

Postpartum depression includes anxiety. Who knew? Well, technically it’s postpartum anxiety but doctors don’t really discuss it and most moms I know, experienced it alongside depression. Anxiety often includes unrealistic fears. One mom I know said she was terrified to be left alone with her baby – like her baby was safe with anyone except her. There is a “what if something happens I can’t handle” sort of sensation.

But here is the real shocker: irritability, anger, frustration are components of anxiety and depression. I couldn’t believe I had feelings of anger when my baby cried. I was short with my husband and my other child. Furthermore, I snapped at friends and made snarky comments over the stupidest things. I was irritated all the time and it actually took me losing a friend to grasp how badly out of control I was.

You May Need Therapy or Medication

 

Postpartum depression is both chemical and situational. It’s a fact, chemical and hormonal changes occur in the body after childbirth. Your body undergoes amazing, but drastic changes to give life to another person. If you choose to nurse, your body suddenly belongs to another person to sustain their life. You may need medication to help supplement or balance those changes. THERE IS NO SHAME IN TAKING ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDICATION. You’ll be shocked to learn just how many women take them and it’s a shame they feel they must do it in secret.

 

Your situation changes after childbirth. You don’t have time for yourself. You don’t sleep. The weight of the responsibility may burden you. Your sex life becomes non-existent. You may be staying home by yourself with baby. Lastly, expectation versus reality may be shocking to you once baby arrives. There are lot of life changes and you have little time to process what that means. Therapy can help you work through those changes. If you are struggling, seek medical attention. Seriously – babies get shaken when you don’t seek help.

You May Struggle To Do Basic Tasks

 

I was unprepared for this. To clarify, I didn’t realize this was happening for while. I remember when my son was three months and he had a blow out in the middle of Target. It suddenly became a monumental task to change his diaper in a public place. I struggled to work a coffee pot and to get chores done. I felt confusion and perpetually overwhelmed, even clumsy.

Some women refer to it as “mom brain” but honestly, I think it has to do with postpartum depression. Difficulty functioning or being overwhelmed by small tasks might be a sign you are struggling with postpartum depression. No one told me that. Don’t feel ashamed asking for help – ever.

It’s Time to Stop Punishing Yourself with Food – Nourish With Renata

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Hello Unsanity readers, as promised, here is another guest blogger for your Friday! This one comes from a fellow blogger of mine, Renata, who specializes in healthy easy recipes!

 

Hi! I’m Renata and I am the founder of NourishwithRenata.com, a healthy recipe blog focusing on delicious, easy recipes that not only taste good but are good for you! I am a mom, wife and foodie, living in Texas with my husband, 3 kids and trusty labrador. I love helping people rediscover healthy food through the recipes on my blog and e-books, as well as my personalized cooking classes. 

It’s the beginning of a new year and lots of people are making New Year’s resolutions. These resolutions might be about making healthier lifestyle choices, like working out or eating healthy. 

But what does it mean to eat healthy? Does it mean doing juice cleanses? Does it mean only eating one meal a day? Does it mean not eating carbs???

What some people don’t realize is that these kinds of restrictive diets are not sustainable long term. Depriving and restricting your body is actually punishing your body. It is not allowing your body the fuel and nourishment that it needs to not only survive, but to thrive. And that means that your body will try to find a way to get back the calories you were depriving it. This is why so many people gain back the weight that they were trying to lose, and then some. 

This begins the cycle of purging and binging, or what I call, the diet culture. It is a completely destructive way of treating your body and it forces you to look at food in a harsh, negative light. Foods are either “bad” or “good”. And more often than not, you feel guilty for giving your body the nourishment that it needs. 

Diet culture is a slippery slope. I think that is why so many people start having eating disorders. We are programmed by social media to think that we have to look and eat like everybody else. That a “quick fix” is the only way to change, that immediate gratification is the only way to get recognition. That in order to be “liked”, we have to be the same as everyone else. 

THIS SIMPLY ISN’T TRUE. It’s time to change our mindset. It’s time to stop trying to be like everyone else, and start being our truest selves. It’s time to bring a whole new perspective to how we think about ourselves and how we think about food. 

Instead of punishing your body, start building a positive relationship with food. Food is a fuel source, a way to nourish your cells, brain and muscles with the nutrients and energy that it needs to support you during the day. By giving it the foods that provides you with maximum energy and vitality, you are ensuring that you can achieve your to-do list, you can work out without feeling drained, and best of all, you can spend time with your loved ones without feeling bloated, lethargic or a slave to food. 

So how can you stop punishing yourself with food? Here’s a few tips:

  • Pay attention to how you feel after you eat: If it helps, make a food diary, so you can record how foods are making you feel. Focus more on eating the foods that help you feel energized for longer, and less time eating the foods that make you feel tired and sluggish. Food affect people differently, so your list of energizing foods may be different from someone else’s.
  • Don’t worry about fads: There are so many diets out there from keto, paleo, whole 30, vegan… the list goes on. Your friends may be doing some of these diets, and if so, let them! You don’t have to join in. Scientific studies have shown that the best diet for weight loss is one that is sustainable. So don’t worry about fads. Fads are a one-off that may help you lose weight quickly, but are not sustainable. Stay strong against peer pressure and focus on nourishing your body with whole foods that taste good and are good for you. 
  • Building a healthy, positive relationship with food takes time: This is real life. There will be times when you will go out to lunch with friends or go to big family gatherings that have a buffet of foods that you don’t normally eat. It is ok to eat different foods! It is ok to eat richer, more indulgent foods sometimes. It may make you feel less energetic than normal, but it’s ok. Building a healthier, positive relationship with food means that you don’t ever have to feel guilty for having dessert. 

Changing your perspective on food can have incredible repercussions on other aspects of your life. Once you see the positive change from how you think about food, you will feel energized and motivated to accomplish other goals in your life. But best of all, you will gain back your self-confidence. Your relationship with food is in your control. And it’s time to make it a positive one. 

You can connect with Renata on the following platforms:

Nourish with Renata blog at www.nourishwithrenata.com 

Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/nourish_with_renata

Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Nourish-with-Renata-2030856650493733/

Twitter at https://twitter.com/NourishwRenata 

Drugstore Finds to Cure your Holiday Anxiety – Eve Tawfick

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A special guest posting for this Thursday before Christmas with a small curated list of easy drugstore finds to help calm your stress and anxiety during the holiday season. Fitting, I think, as Christmas is only a few days away and families are scrambling to get together. Thanks Eve for taking the time to write this little piece for my readers to enjoy!

Hello everyone – My name is Eve and I’m from Downham Market UK. I’m a blogger, media student and freelance writer, while also a single mother of two! My aim is to reduce social stigma and empower single mothers across the globe.

Nothing spells anxiety greater than the impending doom of turkey basters, tangled Christmas lights and spending time with your drunk Uncle Phil. The need to socialize, sing and spend money has many of us reaching for the mulled wine in terror-and seeking refuge under the nearest duvet.

However, the onset of seasonal anxiety doesn’t mean you have to go running to the nearest acupuncturist, or seeking pharmaceutical help. There are some natural, cost effective ways to turn your home into a high-quality Christmas spa.

So grab your nearest mulberry scented candle and get comfy-here are some time-tested ways to kick the ass of party panic, gift jitters and tinsel related hyperventilation.

Neroli Essential Oil(Orange Blossom)

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Neroli happens to be the essential oil with science on it’s side. Boffins have concluded that a few drops in a bubble bath or neroli infused products increase serotonin (natures happy chemical) production in the brain. It’s commonly used as a remedy for both depression and anxiety. Not to mention you will smell as fabulous as an orange tree!

Valerian Root Tea

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I can’t praise this ancient anxiety cure enough. You can get ‘raw’ valerian root from most health food stores. Simply steep the root in boiled water for fifteen minutes and drink before bed. When I first tried this I genuinely felt kind of ‘high’ and sank into a glorious sleep.

CBD/Hemp Oil

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This one takes longer to dissipate anxiety, however once established can take you from a worrying wreck to surfer dude cool. I vape, so that’s how I take CBD, however a lot of stores sell the oil to take orally. Warning: It tastes like mold.

Epsom Salt Baths

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The one Granny told you to do, yes salt baths are making a comeback. Pour a generous amount into a bath and sink into the salty goodness. Clears the body of anxiety causing toxins – creating a ‘cleansing effect’ throughout.

EFT Therapy

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This one you can do on your own, or with a licensed therapist. By tapping acupressure points throughout the body and focusing on your anxiety- the therapy has been known to work wonders. Click here for a great website to learn more about EFT Therapy.

For parenting, lifestyle and dating tips please check out my website.  A big thank you to Koral for letting me guest blog and Merry Christmas!!

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The Story of a Grieving Journey – Tiffany South

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 My Name is Tiffany, I’m honored to have this opportunity to be a guest here. I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression, which stems from losing my 2 sons. Here’s a little backstory.

I had my first baby in 2008. After a very long stressful pregnancy in and out of hospitals, bed rest, etc. I had my baby boy in 2008. Peyton, he was born very, very sick and there was no treatment for his condition. We got to bring him home after him being in the NICU for 3 days after they had run various tests on him as soon as he was delivered via cesarean section. He was with us for 10 days, 7 days at home before he passed away in my arms.

Babyless… But I’m a mom, I need my baby…  How do I go on!?!?

I didn’t want to go on! My arms ached for my baby boy. In 2009 we decided it was time to have another baby. We did but, this time….. twins.

Yes, twins this is the start of Happy and sad!?!
HAPPY AND SAD

Everyone kept saying to me aww.. you’re going to have your family now,  seriously….ok maybe they meant well, but it was very painful to listen to them.

BUT I WAS ALREADY A MAMA

A mama with no baby… the cradle was empty. A bedroom filled with baby decor, baby clothes and well the JCPenney theme teddy bear set I just had to have. A room filled with hopefulness and filled with all the love in the world. The bedroom door now shut! Why? Well because I couldn’t bear to look at the empty room. The room that should have new life, a little boy napping or him, needing me for a feeding.

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LIFE AND TWINS

Short story After yet another long stressful pregnancy in and out of hospitals…being in the hospital for one month straight. One of my twins died after 21 days his name was Brenden and his twin, my daughter. I named her Emmah. Brenden, like Peyton, got to come home also and died in our arms.

GRIEVING

After this time we felt like we didn’t have much time to grieve. With a newborn baby girl, we decided the best thing to do was to concentrate on our family to make our way through a difficult time. About a year passed and I made the decision to start my own business. I began an In-Home child care business so I could keep my daughter home with me.

During this year my husband and I began to notice changes in our anxiety and attitude. My husband spent a lot of time in bed when he was off, and I began to have a lot of anxiety when performing tasks like driving. We decided to seek help and attend group therapy for grieving and saw a counselor for about 5 sessions.  We began to feel better after the sessions and decided we could handle it on our own from now on.

What we didn’t know or maybe knew but ignored was that we were far from better.  As the years went on we both began to deteriorate. My husband once again began to withdraw from us on his days off. Staying in bed and not being active around the house. He would still play and take care of our daughter but he was not the same fun-loving guy I married.

I began to notice my anxiety grow when it came to driving. Having panic attacks while even driving a short distance. Also, I began to notice I felt more irritable and angry. I felt my anxiety going up over things that normally wouldn’t be a big deal to me in the past. It got to the point where my husband came to me and said he couldn’t live like this anymore due to his rising anxiety attacks.

We never once gave up on each other and when my husband came to me, I was hesitant at first because what I didn’t see then but know now is, I was scared to face and relive the trauma again!  I didn’t realize this at the time but this was the reason we were deteriorating. We began therapy again in 2015 and this is when we were both diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder on top of our depression.

We were both put on medication which made a huge difference for us also continuing with therapy. The more we have learned about our disorder the more we have realized that it had been a serious problem for years that we had ignored.  Our bodies were trying to tell us that we needed help in dealing with our trauma but we would not listen. We continued to fool ourselves into thinking we could handle it without help.

We have become good at watching each other for the symptoms knowing that is a sign to either adjust our medication (which I have just recently changed) or talking about what we are feeling. At one point I felt myself slipping back into depression. Things were not bringing me happiness as before, I was feeling overwhelmed and working in my daycare for 12 hours a day at 5 days a week so 60 plus hours a week. I have recently shortened my hours. I have turned Families away that need longer hours. I HAVE to think of my happiness first and also my families.

Around this time is when I began my blog about homeschooling my daughter. It has been great therapy for me to share my story, our homeschooling Journey and hopefully help others along the way. My husband and I will always work as a team. Through thick and thin, happiness and sadness. We call ourselves Team South!!

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my story, I know how precious your time is.

You will Always be in your Hearts

Endnotes:

Pay attention to your body.  It will tell you when something is wrong.  DO NOT be afraid to ask for help. We have learned over the years that everyone grieves differently. Reach out to a family member, a friend, or a licensed counselor.

You don’t need for it to be a public matter If you don’t want it to be. which is something at first I struggled with. Only very close family members knew and one of my best friends. It’s not anything to be ashamed about but I choose to keep it private.

I’m on medication for my depression and anxiety disorder but I did this for myself to help my life and how I feel and cope. Most people will not have to live this trauma of losing a child let alone two children but whatever you face in life don’t ever hesitate to reach out to someone. Your life is worth living and to live it healthy and happy.

Christmas Cruise

I want to give a big thank you to Tiffany for sharing her story with us on the Unsanity Blog. It take a lot of strength, courage and being honest with yourself to share such a story and I’m happy to have her as my guest this week. You can find her at the links below if you want to read more of her writing and what she does with her blog.

Tiffany South @ https://royalhomeschoolmomblog.com

Facebook Page

Instagram

Royal Deliveries

Pinterest

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Give Me These Moments Back

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It’s about 10PM on a Thursday night. I’m sitting on the couch on my laptop for once updating it finally and I have nothing to do. I have racked my brain for this entire week with job applications, interviews, and other things, and I need a break. I think my brain may explode if I do anything else today. I haven’t been able to sleep much recently either. I’m exhausted, but can’t fall asleep. Strange thing, you know, life? People float in and out of your life at the most random times and tonight, I’m seeing alot of that from everyone I associate with. One night they’re there to talk to, and open up to me, and the next they completely disappear for hours on end and don’t say a word. Well, my days go on and on without you here my dear.

Sometimes, I feel like just taking a bow and leaving everything behind and running away. Only sometimes though. Just me and the kitties and whatever money I have left and leaving or selling everything I own for more cash… and just going. It seems like a valuable option because at this point, I’m not sure what to do anymore. I don’t think I have much left here except a few people that I’d like to be around for a long time to come. And I highly doubt the one person I want to come with me will… but I’m not sure. I haven’t asked, but I’m certain the answer would be no or “good luck” and that’s it. I’m afraid to ask, even though I know we would want to.

I’m really starting to be bummed out about all this shit going on lately. My mind’s on overdrive right now and I’m not sure what to do anymore. Half of me is like eff this I’ll go home, and the other half, if not more, is like hell no, you need to do this the right way and not give up. Well, I’m almost at the point of giving up… and I hate to say that because I’ll be letting alot of people down including myself. I just hope I find a job I like soon. So far, there is nothing, and I can’t afford to live in the city with what I really am good at… Social Media or photography. There are jobs all OVER the place in places such as Dallas and NYC and California… but I can’t just up and leave and go… as much much much as I would. I really would.

I’m listening to Greg Laswell on my phone and man, do I love him. I owe that to Jim and a big thank you to him for introducing me to his music. While it’s sad and depressing it kind of makes me smile when I listen to him too. It’s odd, but I’m not complaining. There’s a quote at the bottom of this of mixed lyrics from him that mean something to me. I’ve been listening to him all night now and I can’t stop. They’re like the new Poets of The Fall for me, and that’s saying something because POTF is my favorite band still to this day and I get laughed at it sometimes for it.

I know this blog is really scatterbrained tonight, but that’s how my mind is alot of the time and I don’t even know how I deal with it sometimes, let alone other people and my close friends. I don’t know how I’m even enjoyable sometimes, to be honest. I’ve been so shitty lately and sad and miserable because of the stupidest things.. and I hate myself for it. Maybe I need to just get up and start one day like it’s going to be the best day ever and see what happens. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. The people I want to be with, don’t want to be with me, and the one I don’t want to be with want’s to be with me. How ironic? I’m not really sure  what to make of anything anymore. I’m so frustrated, and so overwhelmed by everything these days and so stressed out, and I know I really shouldn’t be. I wish I were happier all the time like some people I know around here. Maybe I do need to move and leave everything. Maybe I just need a fresh start. Be farther away from family because well, apparently, I’m not thought of much and when I am, the only people who still seem to care are Poppop and my mom so it would seem. Two is better than none, I’d say though.

Laswell

I might be gone a little while. I guess we’ll see. I have to make a home out of something… I should probably say that I’m unsure why I’m running away from the one thing that I love. Maybe down the road, I’ll see you in a blur.

Cheers,

xoxox

||Koral Dawn||