Tag Archives: pets

Audience of One

Good evening everyone!

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at home still in clothes sitting at my computer, rather, staring at it to give me some inspiration for doing some art, and so far, I have come up with nothing. I should probably do some work today to make some money but I’m honestly quite lazy right now and don’t feel like doing anything at the moment. My creativity has come to a halt and I don’t know why or what’s happened lately. I need to get out and do some photos or something but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

I decided to make a new blog signature and even that took me about a half hour of just playing around in Photoshop, but I think I’ve finally settled on something. What do you guys think? It’s nothing special really, but I couldn’t figure out which graphic to use for it and then remembered I had an awesome Raven to use and there it is. Thoughts? Anyone? Bueler?

Anyway, there’s nothing really new going on I need to talk about these days except I’ve been a little bit better for some reason. Still lonely, yes, because I come home every night alone but hey, there are alot of people out there that come home alone every night and they’re fine, right? I’m just one of those people now, lol. I wish I had someone to come home to every night, but I just have cats, and I think i’s going to stay like that for a very long time sadly. I’ve always told myself I was better off alone anyway, but you know what, I do get lonely too you know. Sometimes I just need a damn cuddle or something lol. Yeah, good luck with that one anymore though I usually say to myself.

On to more pressing things, my birthday is in 21 days, and I’m kind of excited! I’m turning 25… a quarter of a century old, and man do I feel it. In my mind I think I’m still young… I want to think I’m still young, but I only give myself till 50, so technically I’m half dead at this point come September 19. I need a mid life crisis I think if that’s the case. Before I die though, I need to get the one car I’ve wanted for ever… a Mustang. Yeah yeah yeah, I know not everyone likes them and people that drive them are all assholes according to some people but whatever. I’ve always wanted one, and before I die, I will get one, somehow. I want a newer one though, 2015 or 2016 model. You know, the one that looks like a Nissan squished out a Mustang logo and called it a new Mustang… yeah that one. I think they’re gorgeous. And let’s face it, I’ll never own a McLaren or Bugatti that I want so I better settle for something atleast remotely reasonable.

I think I’m going to actually go and get some Oreos and Milk and relax on the couch since I don’t do that much anymore. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but whatever. This is my rant for the night since I have nothing else to say right now. More later or another day when I’m feeling more energetic.

 

I Don’t Believe It’s True

It’s been over a month since I’ve written.
A series of events has happened that led me to be absent including moving to a different apartment in record time because of roommate issues. Should I feel sorry? I think not. I need to do what’s best for me, always and every single time.
I’ve been beating myself up alot recently over the smallest things ever and that’s not healthy. I want to share with you something I posted to Facebook not too long ago.

Sitting on my back porch, listening to music, watching the stars between the cloud cover; wishing someone was here with me that actually likes cuddling and star watching.

I know I keep saying its better to be single, but to be honest, I miss all that cute stuff. Someone who sends me good mornings every day before they even get out of bed and go to work, someone who will take me out for surprise ice cream treats, someone who doesn’t get tired of me and can text me all the time and not get annoyed by thinking I’m “needy.”  Someone who takes me for me and not tell me to do certain things just to be able to talk to me. Someone who asks to hang out on a regular basis.

I’ve been a miserable schmuck lately and I hate it. Now living alone, which is great, it gets lonely still sometimes. I don’t want to get stuck in Wilkes Barre forever. I really want to leave next year, and hop on a train or bus to a new state and find happiness for myself. I’ll be 25 this year, and I don’t know what makes me happy.

Each day that passes, I get closer and closer to just packing up essentials and kitties, selling everything and finding a new state to set myself in, where no one knows my name.

Maybe this needs to happen, because I think I should know who I am by now, but I don’t.

I’m still sitting on that porch, and its now very late at night and I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. I know I need to pack up and leave. I can’t bring myself to do it though. I need companionship, I need love. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter.

I’m falling behind on everything in life. Photos, art, having fun, stargazing for no reason… All of that is more enjoyable with someone you know and love. And I want someone to give me a reason to stay here in PA. Someone to tell me that they need me around and want me around for some time still and that they’re not ready to say goodbye. I haven’t been taking the time to do the things I love to do. I’m always sitting around being lazy, and I hate it. I really do. I need to step up and be better. For myself and for whoever may come my way and actually be there for me.

It’s now 130 in the morning and I still can’t sleep for anything. Always I have a few people to talk to right now who are also night owls so that’s a plus I guess. Others are stupid and passed out cold or busy or something else. At least Romeow is here to keep me company. He’s the best kitty in the world. MooMoo is of course adorable too, but I wish she’d let me pick her up or something and hold her. She hates everyone that walks in the door. Not like it’s many people but still. I guess I should go to bed. Before I forget to save this and it gets deleted like the last time.

Cheers,
xoxox
||Koral♡Dawn||

Give Me These Moments Back

It’s about 10PM on a Thursday night. I’m sitting on the couch on my laptop for once updating it finally and I have nothing to do. I have racked my brain for this entire week with job applications, interviews, and other things, and I need a break. I think my brain may explode if I do anything else today. I haven’t been able to sleep much recently either. I’m exhausted, but can’t fall asleep. Strange thing, you know, life? People float in and out of your life at the most random times and tonight, I’m seeing alot of that from everyone I associate with. One night they’re there to talk to, and open up to me, and the next they completely disappear for hours on end and don’t say a word. Well, my days go on and on without you here my dear.

Sometimes, I feel like just taking a bow and leaving everything behind and running away. Only sometimes though. Just me and the kitties and whatever money I have left and leaving or selling everything I own for more cash… and just going. It seems like a valuable option because at this point, I’m not sure what to do anymore. I don’t think I have much left here except a few people that I’d like to be around for a long time to come. And I highly doubt the one person I want to come with me will… but I’m not sure. I haven’t asked, but I’m certain the answer would be no or “good luck” and that’s it. I’m afraid to ask, even though I know we would want to.

I’m really starting to be bummed out about all this shit going on lately. My mind’s on overdrive right now and I’m not sure what to do anymore. Half of me is like eff this I’ll go home, and the other half, if not more, is like hell no, you need to do this the right way and not give up. Well, I’m almost at the point of giving up… and I hate to say that because I’ll be letting alot of people down including myself. I just hope I find a job I like soon. So far, there is nothing, and I can’t afford to live in the city with what I really am good at… Social Media or photography. There are jobs all OVER the place in places such as Dallas and NYC and California… but I can’t just up and leave and go… as much much much as I would. I really would.

I’m listening to Greg Laswell on my phone and man, do I love him. I owe that to Jim and a big thank you to him for introducing me to his music. While it’s sad and depressing it kind of makes me smile when I listen to him too. It’s odd, but I’m not complaining. There’s a quote at the bottom of this of mixed lyrics from him that mean something to me. I’ve been listening to him all night now and I can’t stop. They’re like the new Poets of The Fall for me, and that’s saying something because POTF is my favorite band still to this day and I get laughed at it sometimes for it.

I know this blog is really scatterbrained tonight, but that’s how my mind is alot of the time and I don’t even know how I deal with it sometimes, let alone other people and my close friends. I don’t know how I’m even enjoyable sometimes, to be honest. I’ve been so shitty lately and sad and miserable because of the stupidest things.. and I hate myself for it. Maybe I need to just get up and start one day like it’s going to be the best day ever and see what happens. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. The people I want to be with, don’t want to be with me, and the one I don’t want to be with want’s to be with me. How ironic? I’m not really sure  what to make of anything anymore. I’m so frustrated, and so overwhelmed by everything these days and so stressed out, and I know I really shouldn’t be. I wish I were happier all the time like some people I know around here. Maybe I do need to move and leave everything. Maybe I just need a fresh start. Be farther away from family because well, apparently, I’m not thought of much and when I am, the only people who still seem to care are Poppop and my mom so it would seem. Two is better than none, I’d say though.

Laswell

I might be gone a little while. I guess we’ll see. I have to make a home out of something… I should probably say that I’m unsure why I’m running away from the one thing that I love. Maybe down the road, I’ll see you in a blur.

Cheers,

xoxox

||Koral Dawn||

I’ve been searching for an exit but I’m lost inside my head;
Where I spend every waking moment wishing this would end.
I can’t take another step, I cannot live inside my mind,
I can’t face another day, I am so fucking tired.
For I am lost right now as the ocean deep,
I am low my friend and how my heart does sink.

Been sitting here tonight staring at a blank page for a blog and I couldn’t think of what to write, if anything. I decided to set a new theme for my blog, which I think is pretty rad right now. I might invest in hitting up that customization pricing per year when I get my mini tax return. (I’m getting like nothing back actually, so we’ll see. It sucks, because I can’t even buy car things to make Hannah prettier…)

There’s a fat cat sprawled out on my bed right now, and he’s taking up literally half of it so I need to find a way to sleep around him tonight or move him. I know he’ll just come right up and sit in my face though if I as so much touch him. MooMoo has been lovey dovey recently again for some reason, and I don’t know why. It’s odd. It’s like she gets in her moods again and goes on a liking spree and then bam, happy kitty… for like 5 minutes. Then back to hating the world like always. Gee, the more I describe her, the more she sounds like me.. I wonder if she’s meant to be like that for a reason, lol. Never know. But either way, I love them to bits and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Go ahead, call me a crazy cat lady. I don’t care, because you know what, if I could afford to I’d have more and you all know it. They make me happy and you can judge all you want. And if I want, I’ll take a selfie with my cat. STFU.

I’ve just been wasting time tonight watching movies and trying to relax after a long ass day at work. And now it’s already almost 11PM. Where does the time go? I really need to sleep actually. Eesh. I don’t know why I allow myself to stay up… rather, I know if I get in bed, I won’t sleep anyway so might as well do something productive, no? Would rather do this then just stare at my phone waiting to see if someone will text me or something.

Have some adorable photos of my cats I took tonight. I don’t post enough of them I don’t think… I actually also haven’t brought out the camera in a long time either and I should do that. It’s been months. I just haven’t felt in the mood to do anything with pics recently. I’ve kind of not even picked it up since October… and that’s real bad of me I think. I need something to motivate me again into doing photos.
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Cheers! Off to sleep.
xoxox

||KoralDawn||

New Year, Same Old Me

Good afternoon all. 

I know it’s now January 4, but I felt this had to be typed out sooner or later since it is the new year already and I’m late 4 days now.

I have some resolutions I’d like to state. They’re nothing out of the ordinary really. And I probably make the same ones every year and don’t follow them. But this year, since the year has a 5 in it, I’m going to try and stick to them. (I have this thing with 5’s and I think it’s my favorite number, don’t judge me.)

Here we go. 

1. I want to sign up for a gym. I haven’t done anything active in the past few years, and I think I need to do something to help my back. Not just physical therapy like I did, but an actual gym and get in shape more. I can’t run worth crap and my best sport is bowling. Because it doesn’t require alot of activity in a way.. I need to change that. I want to be able to play other things, like hockey maybe or wiffle ball or something like that. I’m actually really good at baseball and would like to play, even if it’s just with friends. But I need to go to the gym in order to work towards that. I’m not talking about getting buff, but I need to stay in shape. Maybe even zumba at home, or yoga to relax or something. Meditation helps, and I recently went to a massage and my god did that feel good. I so needed that for my back. I scheduled another one for 2 weeks because well, it was so damn good. I can’t stay un-active and be a ball in bed all the time. I need to get motivated somehow. I don’t want to lose massive amounts of weight either, maybe 10-15 pounds and stay fit.

2. Writing more. I don’t write enough on here and I have 200 followers finally. It makes me really happy when people read my blog and can stay up to date. I’m going to try and write atleast 2 times a week to start off with. Whether it be long, short or just a Photo of the Day or something like that. I have been neglecting this and I feel bad to those who actually enjoy my writing sometimes. (I know there are a few out there sometimes.) I want to make one post a Photo of The Day and then the other a long blog and wrap up of the week (if anything exciting happens.. but that’s most likely not going to happen at all aha.)

3. Pick up my camera more. I haven’t actually used it in months because I’ve been stressed busy and well just didn’t feel like doing anything. I’m more active in the summer, and I feel like a bear hibernating in the winter and just sitting at the computer. I really need to get out more and capture the winter beauty that’s out there sometimes. I see things and I just want to capture them, but I’m not one to carry my camera with me everywhere I go. I want to… but it’s too big and used for professional use mostly. Not that I’m a professional really but there are things I’m good at and well that’s one of them. I’m proud of my skill for the camera, but I wish I could put it to work.

4. Get my artwork into a gallery. Photography mostly, since that’s what I usually do. But, I have yet to get my art into a gallery here because there are more established photographers in the area. And that’s a real heartbreaker to me. I’ve been doing photography for how long? And I have yet to be in a gallery except at my community college? Something’s not right here. This year, my goal is to be in one of the galleries in Scranton or Arts On The Square, or something of the like. I need to be more active in the art community here. There are people here that are active… and they’re not that great. If they can be in it, why can’t I?

That’s really mostly it right now. There might be a few others I come up with along the way but right now I think those are the 4 I really need to focus on. It’s been too long since I completed something for myself and I’m tired of being lazy.

January 4, 1958: New Year four days gone, along with resolutions…
—  The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
Cheers,
||KoralDawn||
xoxox

I’ve Got To Take A Little Time…

In my life there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again. Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far… to change this lonely life.

So this song came on and I can’t help but think of Rock of Ages every time I hear it. And it really bugs the crap out of me that I can’t find the disk for the movie. I might need to buy it again because I think it’s lost forever now. I haven’t seen it since I moved. I have a feeling it’s in my Xbox… and I haven’t plugged that in at the new place because I have the BluRay in my room now instead. Russell Brand is fabulous in that movie and I crack up every time I watch him and Alec Baldwin in the scene. I honestly can’t believe they signed on for those parts but that’s who they are. If they aren’t embarrassing themselves then they’re not doing comedy right. End of story, lol.

Moving on, I’m sitting here at nearly 11pm on a Monday night and I get to go home for Christmas Wednesday afternoon. I hope the weather doesn’t suck too bad because I have to drive 2.5 hours in it on Xmas eve to get to Nana’s and Poppop’s house. I have a feeling I will JUST make it for dinner and I really hope that’s not the case. I want some me time once I get there before showing up to the family. But… knowing my luck that won’t happen at all and I’ll get there and Nikki will be all like omg you’re late what happened to my Christmas picture.. or worse, they’ll take it without me. >.< Which is always what happens.

I’m hoping for a good Christmas this year though. I don’t need anything fancy… but who knows. There are a few things I did want but mostly I need money. I’d love for like straight up cash to be able to pay bills. Is that sad? I mean, I’m asking for money for Christmas to be able to live. Isn’t Christmas for giving and getting things you may not need but want? What has happened to the Christmas spirit? I’m not even in the mood this year for Christmas. I’ve been drained of energy and just dull as of late and I can’t help it. It doesn’t feel like Christmas and it doesn’t feel like it’s been a whole year since so much crap went down.. yet it’s still there in my mind and it sucks. I need a long long vacation on the West Coast or something and/or to never come back. I hope this next year will be better than this – it has been the craziest year of my life and I prefer not to remember alot of it in a way.. and no one can hate me for that.

Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing
It’s time we all reach out for something new

Yes, that’s Purple Rain lyrics.. It just came on my radio station on Google Play and I giggled like a school girl because I love this song so much. Hate me, I dare you. How can anyone NOT like this song? You’re not human if you don’t know of or don’t like this song and I won’t talk to you. And that’s the bottom line. (Stone Cold reference, if you will… not every day you see Prince and Stone Cold in a sentence now is it?)

Anyway, more later on. I was just a little bored and needed something to do I think and I wrote a blog today in work, but I can’t type it there so this is mostly from memory. It was nothing special but I had some free time today and instead of wasting it, I did something for myself for once. Even if it was writing down ideas for blogs. Sue me. I think I’m going to head to sleep, it’s late and I have to be up at 630am for work tomorrow… and then do some stuff including packing after work so I can get home to NJ right after work Wednesday.

Please let this holiday go RIGHT since it was supposed to be different than what it is.. please let me enjoy it and feel happy for once.. But I know that’s a long shot. We’ll see what happens.

Cheers!

Merry Grumpy Christmas!

Merry Grumpy Christmas!

xoxox

||KoralDawn||

With or Without You

I’ll stop the world and melt with you.

So I’m sitting here in bed listening to this 80’s Love Songs playlist on my Google Play. Man I forgot how many of these songs I know. It’s actually quite sad really I’m sitting here singing all of these and I just have no emotion at all. They don’t even phase me anymore. They all used to. Especially U2. They always get me for some reason and well tonight… I’ve got nothing. Even the Boss doesn’t give me any feeling tonight… and I love Bruce.

I’ve got a kitty curled up next to me in a ball ready for me to pass out. It’s almost 9pm and I’m literally just sitting down and relaxing and not doing anything for the night. I just want to sleep. I had a long ass Monday at work and all I wanted to do was relax and cuddle with someone. But that didn’t happen either. So I’m stuck with a cat.. not that I’m complaining really because she’ll love me no matter what really. So will my Romeow. He loves everything though that lands in front of him – And I’m okay with that. Atleast he isn’t stuck up like little miss MooMoo.. but I love that about her. She’s picky and so am I.


On to more things:

We got some news today. One that which should hopefully put me in the right place at my job, or find a new one finally. The most awesome person in the world who’s been there for me for the past year and a half is leaving us behind to go work on another Team within the building. I didn’t have any words… I’m more shocked she’s actually leaving us. I don’t know how the office will run without her awesome upbeat personality. She’s helped me through alot and without her. I don’t think I’ll enjoy the workplace anymore. She was always so understanding and awesome with whatever it was with all of us… and now some other person who we don’t even know yet will replace her and try to manage us (SM especially) and well, it’s not going to be the same. I don’t know how I feel about this and I don’t believe I want to. No one will replace her at all. She’s the best Supervisor ever and I wish she did more managing on the SM side and sat with us more and that we were the focus. There’s nothing we can do about that now. I just hope they choose wisely. Technically any of us can apply for the position she is in because we are all Specialists. But I know I won’t get picked only because the other 2 have seniority over me. I’m the newbie. But I atleast should get a chance… don’t you think?

-Pause-

I just found quite possibly the best album on Google Play right now. Why didn’t I know this existed? Punk Goes 80’s.. My ears are being treated to something amazing. I’ve been on an 80’s kick recently and it’s awesome. I can’t get enough of it these days, I don’t care if they’re remakes or the real songs because even the remakes have been done amazingly.

-Resume-

Anyway – Here’s a thought of the day for you. I found this on the interwebs and I thought it was an interesting quote and it’s someone Unknown which is perfect. I love finding random, inspiring new quotes that no one has heard of really. They make the best quotes to really read and take to heart. I though this one was interesting because well, first, monkeys, and then I love Science and anything having to deal with it. This caught my eye. I hope you enjoy it.

Everything you know is the result of billions of monkeys telling each other stories for thousands of years on a 4 billion year old rock traveling through space immeasurable. You are a single piece of a vast cosmic machine defined and created by the physical laws which constrain it, and you are it just as the crest of a wave is the ocean. You are trillions of atoms contemplating trillions of atoms. You are beautiful and so is everything else. Nothing like you will ever exist again, every moment and every thought and every action is and always will be unique. You can’t change the past, and you can’t really change the future, but that’s okay because everything is pretty fundamentally alright. Just don’t forget to breathe.
—  Unknown

More later – It’s about time I hit the bed. It’s been a long Monday and I have to wake up very early tomorrow since it’s my early day again. Thank God I only have a 3 days week.. Happy Thanksgiving all if I don’t write before then. I hope you all get to spend it with the people who matter most to you.

pumpkins

One year ago things were way different. There were pumpkins and simpler times. I need more of those.

Cheers!

xoxox

||Koral Dawn||

July 22, 2014

Good morning gremlins.
Yes, I called you gremlins. Deal with it.
I’m sitting here a bit bored at work waiting to go on break and I wanted to write a quick hello to everyone. I have a few pics to add from the weekend or whatever it was I did. To be honest- I don’t remember much past like 3 days ago. I think my memory is going and I’m not happy about it.
Not too much to talk about really- the days are going fast sometimes and slow others. I wish time itself would slow down a bit so I can enjoy life. Things are a whirlwind now and I just want some time. Time to think. Time to play. Time to live.

Here’s some photos from the last few days I haven’t written. Enjoy!

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||Koral♡Dawn||

Oh, The Audacity

Hello there,
And welcome back.

It’s been a little bit since I’ve written because I’ve just been so busy with life and other things.. yeah, what other things. Well you know, a little bit of this a little of that.

Moving on!

I’ve started Supernatural Season 9 finally.. very very good. So much better than Season 7 with the Leviathans! Back to the normal spooky witches and ghosts and what does best for the show. Thank goodness.. There needs to be more.

I took a few pictures today I think you all may enjoy.
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Hey look! That last one is of me 🙂 I decided to add that there for the bonus factor that I haven’t uploaded one in a long time. So, here you go. I’m actually sick here so… I hope I don’t look too terrible.

On that note.. bed time. I just wanted to share these with you really.

||Koral♡Dawn||

The Remote and Cats

Last night I took some photos of my cats because I was a little bored; and they were being cute for once.

Does anyone notice how cats love love love remotes? Haha. They cling to these things like it’s their prized possession for some reason. It’s like, they need to be connected or something. Ever since I got MooMoo she has been attached to my remotes I have lying in the bed or whenever I’m just watching tv and leave the remote lying there, she jumps for it. She actually muted the TV on me last night! Silly kitty.
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She’s such a pain, but I love my little girl so much. Her little squeak is so cute when she wants something, she sounds like a squirrel still.

This was taken a bit ago, but here’s Romeo, being all loveable of course. Haha. He’s one of the most friendly kitties ever. Unlike MooMoo, he is a people kitty. He’ll sit on your face, literally.
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See? Point proven haha.

Anyway, just wanted to get these out there. Slow day at work and was kind of thinking of an excuse to blog. So, here you go. 🙂

||Koral♡Dawn||