Tag Archives: storytelling

The Late Goodbye

Picture it: you just got engaged and you’re planning who to be in the wedding with you and stand by your side just like in all aspects in life. You send out your boxes for them to say I do as well. Now, to remind you, these are the four only people over the years that have been there for you and hung out and made sacrifies to be with you and vice versa. Now picture this: only two of them show up. That’s what happened to me, and it turned my wedding planning and day itself into hell. Here is the story of a 14 year old and a 15 year old friendship that disappeared as quickly as you can say I do.

Two of my oldest friends, we’ll call them X and Y for story purposes, skipped out on the most important day of my life after being inseperable for 14 and 15 years.

One of them, we’ll call her X, just never even responded to my inquiry of my proposal box asking her if she’d be in my wedding. Mind you, I had been talking about it since I was engaged, and she knew it was coming all along, then decided to not talk to me for a few weeks, and never got an answer, so I eliminated her because I can’t count on someone when they don’t even appreciate your offer of knowing you were “best friends.” This was the easier of the two, thankfully and unfortunately. I have not spoken to her since either. No messages, no updates, nothing. It’s truly heartbreaking.

The other, she will be Y, bailed the day OF my wedding. Great, right?

The planning was a nightmare from day one. A little back story, I didn’t pick a Maid of Honor for my wedding because it was a small private ceremony with only friends and our mothers and photographers. Y was obviously annoyed I didn’t choose her, however, she was never the one to care about other people before herself, and I knew this when I met her when I was 14 years old. She was fighting on everything I wanted to pick for my wedding (note: MY wedding) even down to the little black shawl I wanted to wear over my dress at the top because my dress was strapless. I have bigger arms, and wanted them to be covered a little. “That glittery shawl doesn’t go and hangs way too low in the back and doesn’t match your hair and what you want to do.” Really? I let it slide.

Planning festivities for the night before – “I don’t want to go bowling, that’s not bachelorette party type stuff!” Okay, so don’t go, but again, repeat, it’s MY wedding and this is what I want to do for my night before and I don’t want to get drunk at all. We can enjoy wine at the hotel (which my two best friends and I did) after the restaurant we went to. “Wait, we’re going to a restaurant? Can my boyfriend come?” My reply to her was simple, stating yes but he needs to sit at the bar because this dinner is for people in the wedding party only and our mothers. No one else is bringing their significant other to this dinner, it’s just going to be us.” Her answer was what really got me: “Oh, well then better make the dinner for 9 people because I’m not letting or making him sit alone.”

Y never showed the next day. She never messaged me. She never was in the party. All because I told her the dinner was for wedding party only and this is what I wanted for my big day.

And this was the day, the day before my wedding, I finally realized that she was never my best friend all along. She was only my friend when it was convenient for her, and fit into her schedule. She had bought the dress, bought items for the night before for the little hotel party we were planning, and all the accessories. And wasted her money because she never showed.

She always put whatever boy she was with first, and never her friends who stood by her side through everything. Since I was 14 years old, we were together daily at camp, and then after camp at her house and on weekends because she lived so close. I will be 30 this year… and it took me 15 years to realize this I guess. Better late than never in my mind, but what a way to make your wedding day alternatitely the best and worst day of your life.

Now, the two girls who took the reins and planned everything with my mom, they’re who are worth fighting for. They are my rock, they are my best friends, and they are the people who are going to be there for me when I need them most – and they have been. Neither of them stopped texting or calling me while I was living across the country for a year and a half like X and Y did, they kept in touch, and wanted to. They are my support system and who I need by my side.

Sometimes it takes an act of disgust, unreliability and pure heartbreak to truly know who your best friends are, and it’s just unfortunate that this had to happen on my wedding day. I will never be sad about losing people that I now know never cared; I will be sad about all the years I wasted thinking they would never break my heart – and my family’s heart as well.

When you lose a best friend, you learn some hard lessons. Like everything and everyone else, people change. My happiness is important to me – it should be to them as well. If this what was supposed to happen, then so be it. Thanks to them, I feel I’m a better person and have a weight lifted off my shoulders I’ve had on there for way too long. I’m not bitter, and I’m not mad – and I won’t ever be for letting go of something that freed my soul.

The devil grins from ear to ear when he sees the hand he’s dealt us. Points at your flaming hair, and then we’re playing hide and seek. I can’t breathe easy here, less our trail’s gone cold behind us. Till’ in the john mirror you stare at yourself grown old and weak; And we keep driving into the night. It’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye…
Late Goodbye, Poets of the Fall

Mental Health Mini Series: 4 Reasons Why You Should Start to Exercise – Stephanie Robbins

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Hello Friends!

I am so happy to be back doing a guest post series for Koral! Thank you so much for this chance.

I’m Stephanie from A Red Hair Girl. In January I wrote a post for Koral that gave you some background about my mental health issues. Then I went on to explain three ways I helped myself with my mental health.

First I admitted to myself I had a problem and that I needed help. Second I told a few people that I felt comfortable telling (my husband, my mom, sisters, and my OBGYN). And third I made the scary phone call to a therapist to get up an appointment. It is worth the read. I hope it will give you courage to seek out the help you need if you are struggling.

At the end of the post I mentioned I had a post about the things I have learned in therapy that have helped me. Welp, I had good intentions but I never got around to writing it… AHHH! I’m sorry!

I thought this mini-series would be the perfect chance for me to tell you about 4 things that I learned from my therapist. And tell you why they have helped me. I’m super excited!

So, let’s get right to it! This post is all about exercise! Here are 4 reasons why exercise is great for your mental health. I hope that by the time you are finished you are ready to get your sweat on.

Working Out Releases Our Feeling Good Endorphins

When we have our feeling good endorphins are flowing it just feels great. This is a natural way to get them going. So why wouldn’t we want to do that? My therapist always ask how my level of exercise. She doesn’t care how hard I’m going at it. She just wants me moving.

Even a walk around the block and kick start the good feeling endorphins. In fact if you exercise outside it can increase the amount of good feeling endorphins. That’s a double win! She tells me to get outside and talk a walk around the block sans kids if I’m feeling stressed, depressed or anxious. That isn’t always possible. But when I have, I come back refreshed.

Exercise Can Help Take Your Mind off Worries

When your brain has less to worry about your depression and anxiety will have less to feed it. When I’m working out it is harder for me to think about negative things. After a workout it is even hard to be negative. It’s all those good feeling endorphins. J

So if you exercise most days then you will have less time during those days to worry, which will help. Because the less you worry then the cycle of negative thoughts that help to feed your depression and anxiety will not be as present.

Exercise Can Help You Gain Confidence

What happens when you work out consistently? So many wonderful things! Among them is you will start to feel better about yourself. When you take the time to work out and do something that is hard you gain confidence.

You may start to lose weight or gain muscle. Your clothes may start to fit differently, a good different. People may start to give you complements. Or you may catch yourself in the mirror and think, WOW! All of these help you to gain confidence.

When you have more confidence you start to have a change in your thinking. For me, I become less depressed. Both of those things (being less depressed and gaining confidence) are very important to your mental health.

Working Out Can Help You Eat Better

If you are like me (and so many other people) then when you start to exercise consistently you may start to eat healthier. You may find yourself grabbing for an apple instead of crackers. The can of soda may not look as tasty as water.

When I am able to get myself out of bed and work out first thing in the morning I tend to make better eating choices all day long. Why wouldn’t I want to start my day off in that way?

Then when you start making better eating choices and continue to work out you will see a difference in your body. This will help you gain more confidence. See how many of these are intertwined? J

Some Tips and Tricks to Help You

You do not need to go out and join a gym or an online membership unless you want to.
There are plenty of free resources online or books you can check out from the library.
Walking is a great way to get started, get some good shoes to protect your feet and body.
Workout clothes are so much fun to have. They are pricey. I mostly use t-shirts and my husband’s old shorts. I have bought some workout clothes but they don’t fit very well, thank you baby #4. Haha! I reward myself by meeting exercise goals with workout clothes. J
Yoga is SOOOOO good for your body and mental health. One of my favorite yoga channels on You Tube is Yoga with Adriene. I just really love her, this is not sponsored. After I started to do yoga more consistently I noticed mood improvements. Woohoo!
Ask a friend to be your accountability partner or workout partner.
Self-promoting here… J Last fall I created a 3 month free workout program. Check it out and see if it is something you’d like.

Good luck my friends with exercising! It has helped me so much with my mental health and confidence. I know it can help you as well!

Happy working out!

Xoxo, Steph

Holiday Stress – Mama Detox

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Hey everyone! My name is Rebecca, better known as Mama D, the face of Mama Detox. I am a mother of 6 kids…three grown & on their own and three still at home. We have run the gamut of home schooling, public school and now the younger 3 are at a private Waldorf School. Years ago due to allergies starting in one of my daughters (I have 5) we began removing toxic substances from our life, not just with food, but in EVERY aspect of our life.

My goal at Mama Detox is to help families transform their toxic lives into happy lifestyles. Join us on our journey and start your own at www.mamadetox.com or follow us on Instagram, Pinterest or even on Facebook.

Does the thought of the upcoming holiday season send you into a panic? Are you stressed trying to get everything accomplished? Do your children send fighting and sibling rivalry to a whole new level during the holidays?

Breathe! Let Mama Detox help you reduce the toxic effect of holiday stress.

Holiday stress is nothing new. I am sure we are all very familiar with it, not only in our own lives, but in the lives of our children. Being the unique individuals that we are, we tend to manifest stress in different ways, but yet the same. Adults often become irritable, grouchy, short-tempered, yelling, cutting others off…just downright rude. Children as well will get irritable, short-tempered, easily frustrated, grouchy and the temper tantrums, screaming fits, sibling fights, unkind words, even hitting, kicking and biting episodes become all to common during the holidays. Unfortunately the negative effects of stress go far deeper than the outward scenes we see, hear or initiate ourselves.

One of the first steps is to identify what are the triggers or situations that causes our stress level to rise? Is it hosting the big family meal at our house? Cooking for all of those people? How about the endless barrage of holiday party invites? Trying to find the perfect gift for everyone on our list? What about your children’s source of stress? Does visiting all of those seldom seen relatives strike fear in their little heart? To many late night parties upsetting their routine and sleep cycles? Excessive amounts of sugar? (watch for an upcoming post on the dangers of sugar) It could be that your stress is being passed onto them without you even realizing it. Children are extremely intuitive and can sense when you are upset/stressed. They may not be able to verbalize it or how it makes them feel, but they know that their normally calm, supportive safety net is not as strong as it should be. In a crazy, frenzied time of life children need that calm, peaceful, reassurance their parent normally provides even more than usual.

Now that you have identified the cause(s) of stress in you and your children it is time to find a way to limit the negativity it causes in your life. Often we as parents have very different view points from our children (or even our significant other) as to which holiday traditions are truly important or even enjoyable. If you and your partner have not had a recent discussion as to what is important to each of you during the holiday season, I encourage you to do so before things get crazy and before you know it another holiday has come and gone. Even if you hashed it all out earlier in your relationship, priorities change as we get older, what was once THE tradition for your partner may not even register with them now. Or perhaps you had sat down shortly before the birth of your oldest and decided how the holidays would play out, but now 4 kids later, trying to follow that same schedule is just madness. Take some time, go on a date and discuss it, make a list one evening after the kids are in bed, get up early one morning and plan it out over coffee together…but have a conversation and get on the same page. This one step alone may relieve more stress than you think.

Next, if your children are old enough, ask them which traditions are important to them. Which ones could they happily let go? Are there any new ones they may have seen/heard of that they would like to add? The answers may surprise you. Years ago, after my first husband and I separated, I sat down with my older three (the fourth was less than 2 yrs) and asked them what traditions they felt we should keep, which was the most important to them, where there any traditions they didn’t really care if we still did or not, and was there a tradition that they didn’t even like? Surprisingly one tradition that all 3 of them found stressful was receiving a yearly Christmas stuffed animal. They all felt like because this was a “special” stuffed animal that they would have to keep it forever even if they didn’t want too. I was *SHOCKED*! My children did not want a toy? They were even stressed by thought of having to lug this animal around with them forever? Well, that was one tradition that as a newly single, strapped for cash, parent I was happy to get rid of!

Point to the post: often sources of holiday stress are ones we bring upon ourselves. We think our partner/kids/family want tradition x, y, z, but in reality they could happily do with out it. So, have a discussion. Communicate with each other and let the de-stressing begin!

Check out my FREE 5 day mini course on Holiday Stress Busters!

Thanks Rebecca from Mama Detox for sharing this short and to the point Holiday Stress post with my Unsanity Readers! Remembering to communicate for the holiday season is important, even if (and especially if!) you need help or guidance along the way to de-stressing. It doesn’t get better unless you acknowledge there is stress to begin with.

Fibromyalgia and Me – Sydney Culver

Hello Unsanity readers! Thank you for staying with me this far along in my featured guests posts! I have been doing this since about October and have featured over 10 guests thus far! My next one is no stranger to anxiety and life struggles, especially when dealing with a physical illness that triggers these types of reactions. Please welcome Sydney Culver and her battle and realization with Fibromyalgia and mental health.

Four years ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. At the time, I didn’t realize there were signs years before and of course I didn’t know what to look for, so I treated the symptoms and not the cause. I broke out in a horrific case of hives, conveniently when I was going through a very difficult time in my life. The hives were so bad, the doctor wanted to me to essentially sign my life away by agreeing to some egregious amount of steroids to get the issue under control. I was already on a serious course of steroids, and had put on at least fifteen pounds, coupled with a moon face. I was terribly depressed and in pain. My ex-husband suggested another allergist, who was less aggressive and my husband was all for the second opinion. In about a month the new doctor had the hive condition in remission and the swelling began to go down. Nevertheless, my personal life was in shambles and even though I was getting better physically, I believe I was becoming a bit unhinged mentally.

I never really believed in “mental illness”, “anxiety” or “stress”. I thought one could just stop being sad, or depressed or anxious. I figured if you want to feel good, you will. Make yourself snap out of it! Boy was I mistaken. When your life is in turmoil and your health is in question, you cannot just snap out of it. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating. There was one night when my sixteen-year-old daughter stayed up most of the night with me, comforting me as if she were the mom. I was that far gone. There was no way I could gain control of my emotions without help. I ended seeing a psychiatrist and he put me on an anxiety med and a sleeping pill. I learned exactly why sleep deprivation was a form of torture. I slowly got my life back on track.

A few years later, I was promoted from assistant principal to principal. The only catch was we had to relocate to North Carolina from Florida. My husband and I were elated. Before I was to report to work, we planned a trip to my hometown of Manhattan. It was hot and grimy in the city and my feet and hands began to seize up as we walked around town. I felt a shooting pain from my finger tips to my elbows and my fingers were so swollen, I couldn’t even wear my wedding ring. I thought the heat was getting to me but once I started the job and began to deal with the stress of a boss who loved to bully and belittle me, the shooting pain in my feet, fingers and arms, and the move from one state to another I realized there was something really wrong. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I would cry at the drop of a hat, my best friend came to visit and didn’t recognize me. My husband and bestie wanted me to walk away from the job. The stress was clearly breaking me down and once again, I wasn’t sleeping or eating.

As time went on, I had the wherewithal to not let the bully win. My primary doctor recommended a great neurologist who began to test for various auto immune diseases and I began the process of treatment. The medications are not only nerve blockers, but also used to treat depression and anxiety, which seems to accompany Fibromyalgia (my eventual diagnosis).

I believe the mind can control health. Stress can manifest itself as a disease. You cannot control the snowball effect of anxiety or depression without help. I suggest you don’t even try. There’s no shame in admitting you have a problem.

The Story of a Grieving Journey – Tiffany South

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My Name is Tiffany, I’m honored to have this opportunity to be a guest here. I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression, which stems from losing my 2 sons. Here’s a little backstory.

I had my first baby in 2008. After a very long stressful pregnancy in and out of hospitals, bed rest, etc. I had my baby boy in 2008. Peyton, he was born very, very sick and there was no treatment for his condition. We got to bring him home after him being in the NICU for 3 days after they had run various tests on him as soon as he was delivered via cesarean section. He was with us for 10 days, 7 days at home before he passed away in my arms.

Babyless… But I’m a mom, I need my baby… How do I go on!?!?

I didn’t want to go on! My arms ached for my baby boy. In 2009 we decided it was time to have another baby. We did but, this time….. twins.

Yes, twins this is the start of Happy and sad!?!

HAPPY AND SAD

Everyone kept saying to me aww.. you’re going to have your family now, seriously….ok maybe they meant well, but it was very painful to listen to them.

BUT I WAS ALREADY A MAMA

A mama with no baby… the cradle was empty. A bedroom filled with baby decor, baby clothes and well the JCPenney theme teddy bear set I just had to have. A room filled with hopefulness and filled with all the love in the world. The bedroom door now shut! Why? Well because I couldn’t bear to look at the empty room. The room that should have new life, a little boy napping or him, needing me for a feeding.

LIFE AND TWINS

Short story After yet another long stressful pregnancy in and out of hospitals…being in the hospital for one month straight. One of my twins died after 21 days his name was Brenden and his twin, my daughter. I named her Emmah. Brenden, like Peyton, got to come home also and died in our arms.

GRIEVING

After this time we felt like we didn’t have much time to grieve. With a newborn baby girl, we decided the best thing to do was to concentrate on our family to make our way through a difficult time. About a year passed and I made the decision to start my own business. I began an In-Home child care business so I could keep my daughter home with me.

During this year my husband and I began to notice changes in our anxiety and attitude. My husband spent a lot of time in bed when he was off, and I began to have a lot of anxiety when performing tasks like driving. We decided to seek help and attend group therapy for grieving and saw a counselor for about 5 sessions. We began to feel better after the sessions and decided we could handle it on our own from now on.

What we didn’t know or maybe knew but ignored was that we were far from better. As the years went on we both began to deteriorate. My husband once again began to withdraw from us on his days off. Staying in bed and not being active around the house. He would still play and take care of our daughter but he was not the same fun-loving guy I married.

I began to notice my anxiety grow when it came to driving. Having panic attacks while even driving a short distance. Also, I began to notice I felt more irritable and angry. I felt my anxiety going up over things that normally wouldn’t be a big deal to me in the past. It got to the point where my husband came to me and said he couldn’t live like this anymore due to his rising anxiety attacks.

We never once gave up on each other and when my husband came to me, I was hesitant at first because what I didn’t see then but know now is, I was scared to face and relive the trauma again! I didn’t realize this at the time but this was the reason we were deteriorating. We began therapy again in 2015 and this is when we were both diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder on top of our depression.

We were both put on medication which made a huge difference for us also continuing with therapy. The more we have learned about our disorder the more we have realized that it had been a serious problem for years that we had ignored. Our bodies were trying to tell us that we needed help in dealing with our trauma but we would not listen. We continued to fool ourselves into thinking we could handle it without help.

We have become good at watching each other for the symptoms knowing that is a sign to either adjust our medication (which I have just recently changed) or talking about what we are feeling. At one point I felt myself slipping back into depression. Things were not bringing me happiness as before, I was feeling overwhelmed and working in my daycare for 12 hours a day at 5 days a week so 60 plus hours a week. I have recently shortened my hours. I have turned Families away that need longer hours. I HAVE to think of my happiness first and also my families.

Around this time is when I began my blog about homeschooling my daughter. It has been great therapy for me to share my story, our homeschooling Journey and hopefully help others along the way. My husband and I will always work as a team. Through thick and thin, happiness and sadness. We call ourselves Team South!!

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my story, I know how precious your time is.

Endnotes:

Pay attention to your body. It will tell you when something is wrong. DO NOT be afraid to ask for help. We have learned over the years that everyone grieves differently. Reach out to a family member, a friend, or a licensed counselor.

You don’t need for it to be a public matter If you don’t want it to be. which is something at first I struggled with. Only very close family members knew and one of my best friends. It’s not anything to be ashamed about but I choose to keep it private.

I’m on medication for my depression and anxiety disorder but I did this for myself to help my life and how I feel and cope. Most people will not have to live this trauma of losing a child let alone two children but whatever you face in life don’t ever hesitate to reach out to someone. Your life is worth living and to live it healthy and happy.

I want to give a big thank you to Tiffany for sharing her story with us on the Unsanity Blog. It take a lot of strength, courage and being honest with yourself to share such a story and I’m happy to have her as my guest this week. You can find her at the links below if you want to read more of her writing and what she does with her blog.

Tiffany South @ https://royalhomeschoolmomblog.com

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Instagram

Royal Deliveries

How I Dealt with The Monster – Robert Forster

A special slot for a guest blogger this Sunday evening – I want to thank Robert for his story and his time writing about such a touchy subject we have all come to know about here in the USA. While Robert is from England, this resonates with many of us in the USA, and should resonate with anyone around the world. Thank you for reaching out and wanting to tell your story, Robert, and thank you for being here today with us still!

This post talks about the attempted suicide. Please be aware and choose wisely before you continue.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

INTRO

In this post I want to write about suicidal thoughts and how I dealt with them. I hope my post does not upset or offend anyone, as it’s completely personal. This is my story.

Around 2004, Me and my ex-partner where at the point of no return. She had met someone else. I had been cheated on. The strange thing was, when she told me about him. I didn’t feel upset. If anything, it was a feeling of relief.

We had been together for around 10 years or so, but it wasn’t the healthiest of relationships. Prior to her cheating, we had been toxic – arguments, stress, tears, and potential violence, and the relationship was not built on a solid foundation.

THE BEGINNING

We were teenagers when we met – her 18 and myself 19. We had been together for around three months. I felt no real attraction to her, really originally, and we both decided that we would split up because we had already had a few arguments and it wasn’t very serious. It was leading up to Christmas and that’s when she told me the gut wrenching news – “I am late with my period.”

We went to see a family planning officer, and she gave in a pee sample. A few minutes passed. The lady confirmed that she was pregnant. When she originally told us, it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. Both of us looked at each other and cried. The lady asked “wasn’t it planned?” We both shook our heads. Then my ex told me that I could leave her if I wanted… Happy Christmas: oh the irony.

The thought to leave her never entered my mind. My family had always been solid. They were dependable and honest. My sister became a mother at an early age, and the family rallied around her. I am a firm believer that any dick can make a baby, but it takes a man to raise one. Because of this baby, we stayed together. It was an incredible struggle. We had no place, and no money, and to top it all off, her mother kicked her out whilst she was pregnant. Thankfully though, my family helped us.

HAVING A CHILD

Having a kid changed my life in many ways. Like many teenage parents, we tried to get by. I had the urge to knuckle down and work. I studied Computer sciences at night school and got my shit together. My ex stayed at home and looked after Bob. We had arguments like any couple but there were underlying issues. Red flags that showed me what lay ahead. One time, we were at a friends and I was holding Bob in my arms. We had an argument over something or other, and she stood up and punched me in the face. In front of her friends! There are two sides to every story, and I wouldn’t want to bad-mouth my ex. Couples break up for many reasons – trust, love, attraction, not working in general.

A downside of having a kid so young was not being able to go out. In hindsight, this could be perceived as being selfish. My excuse would be because I was still young, I wanted to go out. She didn’t. Many times, I offered to stay in and look after Bob. We could have someone babysit and go out together, but there was just no interest, which led to many arguments in itself.

A few years passed, and we tried to work on things. I stopped going out so often. I landed a decent job and carried on studying. We were getting along. We moved to a bigger place and starting to get on our feet. It was around this time, we decided that Bob shouldn’t be an only child. Thus, we had our second son, Dan. Things seemed normal at this time. Bob and Dan are great kids, both balls of energy. I would read bedtime stories to them both, imitating the voices and just being stupid. As parents, I would say that we were fine.

WALES

Another job opportunity appeared, this time in Mid-Wales. This was one extreme to the other. We left the city-life of Incomplete sentence Liverpool for the countryside tranquillity of Mid-Wales. On paper, it seemed like a smart move. Looking back, it was more than likely the trigger for our separation. My ex didn’t drive which didn’t help. I would take the boys to school, and she would stay at home. I noticed that she was using the Internet a lot more – we both were. The underlying problems were still there – deep down we were unhappy but didn’t want to admit it. I had no real respect for her. She loved me more than I loved her. It was a mess. We tried not to argue in front of the boys, but Bob was getting older. The arguments started again. Shouting and screaming at each other. My ex would hit me. I would defend myself. Like I said it was toxic. Problematic sentence structure When we had the conversation. She told me that she had been chatting with someone on the Internet, and she developed feelings for him. I was angry but, relieved. She took the step. She wanted someone to love her which I couldn’t do, and I don’t blame her. We didn’t work and hadn’t worked for years. At the time, I was a firm believer in the family unit. Mum and Dad staying with each other through thick and thin. The boys always came first. We tried to make it stable, but it was a lie.

In my head, it was the correct thing to do, but it wasn’t. For a family to function, there must be a solid foundation. Both parents attracted and loving each other. We stayed together for around a month after she told me. This was not through choice but through necessity. Living with your partner when they have admitted to cheating is not healthy. Both of us arguing, fighting, screaming and hating. This wasn’t healthy for us or the kids. Things got so bad that a good friend let me move in with him until I got back on my feet.

I could cope with my ex cheating on me. No problem. My main concern were the lads. It broke my heart leaving them… they were my world. They were the only reason that we had stayed together, and I loved them so much. The thought of not coming home and seeing them each day really hurt. The thought of another man stepping into my shoes was too much to handle.

MY LOWEST POINT

It was at this point that I took a drive. I drove to Elan Valley which a beautiful spot in Mid-Wales. Completely broken – emotionally and mentally – it was all becoming too much. I couldn’t see a way through the pain. I had nobody to turn too and was alone. It was depressing. That’s when the thought hit me. Why not end ther pain? I planned it in my head, take a hose pipe and attach it to my exhaust. Close my eyes and drift off. It would be so easy.

I considered the options. Overdose on tablets or exhaust. I cried and felt sick… It’s hard to explain the feelings when you hit rock-bottom. You feel like there is nobody to talk to and nobody to turn to to talk you off the ledge. I had lost weight and wasn’t looking after myself. Something deep inside told me not to do it. “Think about the children.” If I wasn’t around anymore. This would affect my boys more than not seeing them every day. I would always be their Dad, no matter what.

SALVATION OF SORTS

A random memory from the deep recesses of my mind presented itself.

As a teenager, I studied Psychology for a year at night school which I found interesting. I remember one of the lessons discussing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In its basic form, as I understood it, was that for people to be productive or satisfied, they have a hierarchy of needs. The first layer is the physical layer. Breathing, sleeping, eating, exercise – that type of thing. If these needs are not satisfied, you will lack motivation. The thought hit me. This is where I had been going wrong. One of the side-effects of stress in my case was a loss of appetite. Without realizing, I had stopped eating. Another effect was lack of motivation. Feeling lost and alone in my misery. I drank and smoke more to mask the pain – I withdrew into myself. My boys would always be around, and I wanted to be there for them no matter what.

That’s what changed my mind.

The thought of them raised by another man upset me. But, the thought that I wouldn’t be in their lives upset me even more. I will always remember this day and this low point in my life. I was responsible for my lads, like their mother. It wasn’t the boy’s fault that we never got along. If I was to be responsible for my boys, I had to take responsibility for my own actions. This was my choice. Over the next couple of days, I started to get back on my feet and get my head together. I come to terms with things. Forced myself to eat and kept fit by learning martial arts. Slowly, I started to feel better. I was still staying in friends and had very little money. Little changes, small steps to mental stability. I spoke to my friends and family. I stopped withdrawing into myself. Nobody knew how close I was that day. After I hit rock bottom, I did feel ashamed of thinking that suicide could have been an answer. It wasn’t.

I love and care for my lads with all my heart and would do anything to protect them. A few months passed, and I started to see the kids more often. I managed to get myself a small bed set and get some furniture. The people I worked with were amazing, and I managed to keep my job. My friends helped me so much, and I am forever in their debt.

Years later, my boys are now men, and we stay in touch all the time.

Life moves on, embrace it. You only have one.

YOU have Depression? I’d Never have Guessed! – ContentWithCoffee

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But you seem so happy all the time! I was good at hiding it. I was good at plastering a smile on my face and going about my day. But when I would get in my car for the commute home? I would bawl. I would cry the whole way home and want to climb into a blanket-covered ball on the couch when I got there.

My name is Cedar. I’m a 24 year old registered nurse, certified personal trainer, and lover of all things health and wellness. And I’m pretty darn passionate about what I do. I’m also a pretty emotional person. I think that’s why I wanted to be a nurse – I can feel great empathy and wanted to comfort others during the most vulnerable and frightening moments of their lives. I think I’m pretty good at that.

Which is why I’m also pretty good at putting on a façade for others when I’m in emotional turmoil on the inside. Everyone said that the first yearof nursing is really rough. Everyone goes home and cries because it’s so difficult, tiring, and emotionally draining.

When I was coming up on a year of nursing, though, I couldn’t see any change in sight. I was pretty dang unhappy. My boyfriend and I had been talking about a big move across the country, so when he found a new job I applied for one as well. Then we packed up and took a big leap. I stayed in the nursing field, but a much different role. I was EXCITED for my first day of work, and happy about where my life was going. But I quickly became discontent again. Blaming it on the winter blues, then on being far from family, then on my job, it took me awhile to have the big epiphany I needed.

It was about 8 months after our move that I was driving home from work one day, crying over nothing in particular, when I made the sudden realization that maybe, despite whatever happened in my day, I was just going to be sad. Maybe my emotional personality had morphed into something a littlemore. I wondered: am I…depressed?

I talked it over with my mom on the phone, and decided to make an appointment my primary care physician. I was SUPER nervous. After all, I was normally the one on the other side of the bedrail, asking my patient all the questions about their emotional health. But I knew I needed to do this. It just couldn’t be normal to be thatsad thatoften.

I sure wish everyone could have had my experience. My doctor was so great about it. She suggested I find someone to talk to – a therapist or counselor – and told me she loves hers! She also thought it might help to start a medication like sertraline (Zoloft). As I expected a suggestion like this, we decided I should start on the lowest dose and in two weeks increase up a little more if needed (it takes about two weeks to have an effect). Two weeks later when I started crying on the way to a friend’s pool party because I just wanted to stay home and do nothing, I decided to take the increase.

And you know what? It helped! I no longer feel so moody. I feel much more even-tempered and more like my happy, chipper self – which is who I think I really am and who I would like to be. Those closest to me have noticed as well and commented on it. At my follow-up appointment, I turned down a further increase in medication. I feel much better and see no reason to up the dose right now.

There’s such a stigma attached to antidepressants – and other psychotropic medications as well. If there’s one thing I can say in this article, it’s stop judging! And stop being afraid of being judged! I’m not defined by my down days. I’m not defined by my “happy pill”, and neither are you, or your best friend, or your brother, or the stranger in the grocery store. As attention to mental health and wellness continues to rise, I’ve realized just how many people are affected by things like anxiety, stress, and depression. It’s not just me. To some degree, we all are.

So it’s like I said to my doctor during my appointment: I realized this sadness doesn’t have to be my ‘normal’. I don’t have to feel miserable all the time. And I’m very grateful there’s something out there that can help me with it!

So even if you get comments like, “YOU have depression?? I’d never have guessed”, which is a comment I did get from someone I told, know that you don’t have to go through your day faking it. Practice good self-care, exercise, eat healthy, take time for yourself, do things you enjoy, and work towards your dreams (for me that’s working on my health and wellness blog Content With Coffee). But if you’re still struggling along the way, seek out help! Your days can get better – and you don’t have to do it alone. That’s the best advice that I or anyone else can give you.

Thanks to Cedar for wanting to be a guest blogger for me and sharing your story! You can also find her on Facebook and Instagram if you want to follow more of her stories and personal experiences. It really means a lot to me when people want to open up and talk about their mental health and how they struggle/struggled with it because it means you’re not ashamed and you’re not afraid of the consequences. You all mean everything to me!

What You Can Do to Make Someone’s Holiday Memorable – Aaliyah Holt

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Autism and Unemployment

Autism and Unemployment P2

Steemit Blog

The holidays are coming up, a wonderful time of year. The one thing that makes them depressing is having no money to spend on the holidays. It really sucks being broke, seeing things you want to buy but no money to do so, and not being able to get a job. (I’ll get into why I cannot find/get a job.)

It’s best to do holiday shopping before Thanksgiving because if you wait until like mid-December, there is a chance you won’t have much to get. I would love to do some holiday shopping. For instance, I need equipment for my YouTube Channel to better my videos.

The holidays are usually when things go on sale. Say a camera costs 500 dollars, it could drop to 300 for Christmas.

I have explained in Autism And Unemployment (link above) my struggles with finding employment because the jobs in my area do not have the settings I need. I will perform better in a job with my settings than in a job without my settings. I also explained in this blog the struggles that most autistic people face with employment.

This is to give you a backstory on why I do not have a job; which is mostly due to my mental health and stress levels. When I get too stressed, I will get a stress-related bald spot in my hair and gain weight. Another thing I would love to do is to travel for the holidays, weather permitting. However, due to no money, I can’t do that. I just hate being stuck in Illinois, sometimes I want to get out, just to give myself a mental break. There are a lot of places I want to go. Heck, I want traveling to be a job!

My grandma used to get me Just Dance for Christmas or my birthday (December 31st). She stopped, however, I reckon due to no money. Sometimes I wonder what good is getting hyped for the holidays if I can’t do any of the activities I want due to being broke. The only money I get is from my Steemit Blog. However, I only get 3-5 cents a post and my hard work often feels like it gets ignored.

When I was little, my folks had more money, because they were working and brought home money every 2 weeks. Since they retired, they cannot do things like the used to. My mom also got me things when she used to work full-time. She was terminated when she couldn’t get the doctor to sign her disability papers. Thankfully, my mom now has a part-time job, but she doesn’t get the money like the did with full time.

What You Can Do to Make Someone’s Holiday Memorable

The holidays are not always a happy time for everyone. Someone people have no one to spend the holidays with. Check up on your friends.
If you want to travel, ask your friend if they want to go.
Get them a little gift for Christmas ( or whatever they observe).
Invite your friend over for dinner if you have a holiday dinner.
Take them out for New Years, just be careful. You have the power to do something.
Find something they would like from Amazon and put in their address in the shipping information.

These are just some things you can do to help someone who has no money or no one to spend the holidays with. I hope everyone’s holidays go swimmingly! Just remember what I said. You can make someone’s day: it takes little effort to do so.

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Thanks to Aaliyah aka Jazz Holt for sending over this for me to share with everyone. We all struggle with anxiety of some sort, especially when around the holidays. Even I’m feeling it myself because I don’t have a job currently as well. My mental health doesn’t affect me getting a job, but some days, it very well feels like i’m about to have a breakdown. I manage to keep myself together most days. Remember, there are other ways to show someone you care around the holidays that don’t include spending much money.

Virtually Yours, Koral Dawn

I work hard so my cats can have tuna