Tag Archives: want

The Girl Who Waited

I’m posting this because I can relate to an extent, but not quite exactly. This was taken from another website, and it’s worth reading. Take the time to take this in, I know a lot of women like this.

There are very few people in the world who would wait for someone. I know this because very few have for me, and I’m sure far less have for you.

There are very few who would put their lives on hold for another human being, in hopes that the person would one day change and notice what they have in front of them.

Nonetheless, that’s exactly what I did for you.

You were my first real love. I know this because nothing ever compared. When we met, I didn’t want to give in, but when I finally did it was like nothing I ever felt.

We started strong, doing things we never thought we’d do for anyone else. I’d wonder how I ever got so lucky.

Every time we were together it was hard to leave, and when you’d drop me off, we’d spend hours together before I would finally go inside.

The days we didn’t see each other we’d count the hours until we did again, and we’d give in to days that we weren’t planning on seeing each other because we couldn’t handle it anymore.

I started to feel things I didn’t think possible, like jealousy or the need to be with someone every day, and that was scary. We were beautiful, not perfect, but beautiful.

Then it ended.

The weeks leading up to the end, your father passed and I felt your pain and grief. The mere fact that you were suffering had me suffering.

I wish I could take your pain because to me you weren’t someone who deserved to be sad. I wanted to make you happy at all costs, to have you never experience pain on my watch.

It was devastating for you to go through that, and even more so, considering you wanted to go through it without me.

The end was hard, but even when it ended, even when we broke up, it didn’t quite feel like the last time. The weeks following were harder.

I felt like someone punched my heart and it sank to my stomach. I was empty, like an important piece of me was missing, keeping me from feeling whole.

Still, you contacted me. Your pattern was every couple of days you would contact me. Like it was just enough to keep me around, just enough for you to still have me.

That gave me hope.

I stuck around. We took summer classes together, and we would have lunch whenever we could. It was the highlight of my summer.

Even if we weren’t officially together, it made me realize two things: We have this bond that still existed when we removed the relationship, and you are the absolute love of my life.

I can tell you anything, and you can tell me anything. It’s a bond in which, when we’re in our own little bubble, in are own crazy world that’s just us, nothing else matters and nothing else exists.

Reality struck me a few times that summer, but I still stuck around, not giving in to anyone else. You didn’t want a relationship.

You didn’t want anything so serious. You were not going to budge, but I still stuck around.

In my head, something so rare, something like what we had, some may never find. If they do, they are lucky to even have it once. It was worth fighting for. I would do anything to have it, to keep it.

You would tell me you loved me so much, but it was something you couldn’t do. You said you never pictured yourself ending up with anyone else, settling down with anyone else who isn’t me.

That was enough for me to stay.

You always said or gave me just enough for me to stay, and I did. I waited.

I waited until I was numb. I waited even after all the broken promises and false hopes and all the destruction. I waited after everyone would tell me how crazy I was and just to move on.

I waited even after all the times I said I wouldn’t wait anymore. Because you always apologized and always told me how much you loved me, how you could never bear to see me with anyone else.

I stuck around when I found out you were sleeping with other people while I was rejecting dates. The simple thought of someone else who wasn’t you touching me sent shivers down my spine.

Sitting down and thinking about it, I could finally put into words all the reasons I did stick around.

I waited for you because, even though you might not think so, you were someone worth waiting for.

Even when you don’t give yourself a lot of credit, you’re one of the nicest, most helpful and hardworking people I have ever met.

You cared about things that mattered like poverty and war and the universe. You challenged me in ways no one else ever did. I was drawn to you for those reasons.

I waited for you because I was hopeful you would keep your promises. When you would tell me she was someone temporary, that she meant nothing, that you just felt bad for her, I believed you.

I waited because if you kept me around, talked to me every day and still had sex with me regularly, it meant something, right?

I waited because to me, it didn’t matter what I was going through in the present; our future together would be perfect. I defended you with everyone because no one knew you like I did and vice versa.

I waited for you because I knew I would never feel this again with anyone else, and even if I did love again, I had already felt the greatest love I would find.

But waiting for you was literally like putting my hand in a fire. It was painful, but there’s always that rushing sensation you get from a burn.

It’s like I would get a rush, then get hit with a harsh reality and heal for several days. After the burn would heal, you would apologize and I would start the process all over again.

It was definitely an addiction, kind of like when you see an insect going toward a light. The light looks beautiful and vibrant and the mosquito can’t stay away, but in truth, going too close to the light will hurt.

That’s exactly what you were, what you are.

You were so beautiful and I wondered sometimes how something so beautiful could cause so much pain.

You were the only person I wanted to talk to in the morning when I woke up, at night when I went to sleep and in the middle of the day when I would go on my lunch break.

You were the first person I wanted to talk to when something good or bad happened. When I was having fun, you were the person I wished was there and the only person I wanted to share funny moments with.

You were the love of my life, and I waited because something as strong as that deserved a happy ending. I would have done anything for you, and I did do everything for you.

One day, you’ll wake up and realize you lost someone who waited.

Source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/to-wait-for-you/1102917/
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Mid Week Random Thoughts

Greetings friends!

I’ve been up a long time today because I couldn’t sleep last night. I’ve been listening to New Medicine and We Are Harlot alot today (and bands of the like) and I’ve been in a decent mood.

New Medicine is a different type of band than I normally listen to. But I’m glad I’ve found them. They’re definitely interesting.

Today’s Wednesday and there’s not much to say except work seemed to take forever today. We starred a new time study for the work day, and I have to try and transfer everything to a new template tomorrow if I have time. And I just plain don’t wanna. I wish we were allowed to do OT whenever we wanted to like my mom can. I’d be working from home all the time because I could use the money. I hope this new template goes smoother than todays. Even though I made mine super pretty and easier to read. (Well, to me it’s easier, my coworker looked at me like I was insane when she saw it..)
I don’t normally post these, but here, have a selfie I took today:

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I was able to get Dunkin this morning because I needed a wake up. The new white chocolate raspberry is pretty awesome to be honest. I don’t normally like iced coffee but this one and the cookie dough kind they had in summer are amazing. Sadly they stopped the cookie dough one.. they better bring it back this year.
I’m watching Pain and Gain in bed again before bed. I feel lazy, as always. I’ve got no inspiration lately and there’s things I have to do still for a friend and everything just escapes me. That’s what happens when you get home at 6pm from work and then don’t even have dinner till 9 because you have to clean. Such is life and responsibilities though so… can’t really complain, atleast I was able to eat tonight a little.

Anyway, I should sleep. I have to be up at 615 am for work. Well, 630 but the alarm goes off at 615 so I can procrastinate.. as do so many people I know.

“I don’t believe in guilty pleasures, you know. I believe you should be able to like what you like, if you like a fucking Ke$ha song, listen to fucking Ke$ha.” -Dave Grohl

Cheers!
xoxox

||Koral♡Dawn||

When Your Heart Don’t Feel Like Dancing…

I’ll be there to give you mine. 🙂

Random late night music quote: Say something – I’m giving up on you.

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This is what I’m thinking when I listen to my playlist I made recently. Random fact of the day for you.

I haven’t written in a few weeks -events have happened recently and I haven’t had the time. Nothing bad has happened – just too much going on. Work has been insane – I nearly had a break down Friday. That was washed away with a few drinks friday and Saturday but tomorrow is Monday and Monday can go to hell – haha.

I’m listening to some awesome music right now. I made a new Playlist on Google music  – “I’m sending out a search light to bring you back to me.” I labeled this Playlist The Whisperer. I’m not sure why to be honest but it’s very mellow music that can hopefully let me sleep better at night. Obviously it hasn’t yet because it’s 12am on a Sunday night … but it makes me smile.

“Can you bring me back to life when my heart’s in smithereens?

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This weekend was a bit bummy. I didn’t want to do much. Got my nails done finally. Had some guy whistle at me while driving around saturday as well as a few more… that made me feel good haha.  Had late night applebees with a friend for half priced appetizers which I never do anymore. So that was nice. Been talking to an old friend for a bit – maybe seeing them next weekend? Idk.  Went to see an apartment .. not getting that one so back to square one I guess. That’s okay… I’ve got a little time. Soon though. If I leave in October or November though… I might as well wait it out till I’m back. No sense in moving you know? But we’ll see what happens. I’m probably not going to leave.. as much as I’d like to.

My cyst is acting up again.. I need to get it checked out soon. Haven’t been sleeping well.. again.

Omg guardians of the galaxy was amazing haha. I went to see it last Sunday and we were just laughing so hard at the whole thing I want to see it again.

I need more girl friends in this area.. I have a select few but not many. Just replace Justin below with a girl and yeah. Basically. That’s all I want haha.

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Anyway – I should try and sleep. Moomoo took my pillow so I have to move over. Good thing I don’t share a bed with anyone … I guess.

Open your eyes – and open your heart. It’s not too late to let it go. I’m such a fool. Our love was just a dream.

||Koral♡Dawn||

Here I Am

Here I am sitting in my car.
It’s nearly 1 in the morning.
I just came back from seeing a good good friend of mine who thankfully has not deserted me yet and the drive back was wonderful this late at night.
I’m excited to pick up and drive everywhere this summer when I get my car.
I can’t wait to get into my Stang hopefully this summer if not for my birthday.
I don’t care if it’s PA and it snows alot.
I’m stuck this close to work for awhile anyway, you only live once and when you die you have no debt to worry about anymore.
I need to do something for me.
This car will be mine.
It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since I was 13, and I plan on making this summer happen.
I don’t care that it won’t be a brand new one.
It will be a 2014 still and wonderful.
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Sitting here listening to Timber by Ke$ha and Pitbull and I’ve nothing on my mind..
I just keep repeating in my head:
“IM A PEACOCK, YOU’VE GOT TO LET ME FLY!”
For some reason that line all makes sense to me now.
I’ve been living here 3 years now.
This past year has been a challenge for me to say the least and I’ve never felt this way.
New feelings, new heartbreak, new sadness, yet some new joy at the same time.
It’s been very weird to say the least.

There are things I would have been doing this summer that I am no longer doing yet still want to do. Hard, because they involve things I don’t have anymore, ha. But I’ll manage. I definitely have to do the Renn Faire still regardless because my friend and I have to. There’s no questioning that. And I plan on breaking even more plates than last time there that’s for sure. I can’t wait till we get our outfits for it too. They’re going to be so beast, you’ve no idea.
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Still, it’s now 1 AM on the dot. Sitting in the car, music blasting. I don’t want to go inside yet. It’s so nice out and the music is great right now that I have on. “It’s like dance party USA teen bop it type of shit.” (name that movie!)

Hold me close and I’ll surrender to your heart. Before the flame goes out tonight, we’ll live until we die. Come out till we lose control to a raging fire. Time will give and time will take… all the memories made will wash away.. and even though we change I’m still here with you. If you listen close, you can hear all the ghosts that bring us down. Hold on to what makes you feel, dont let go, its what makes you real. Let the world leave us behind, let your heart be next to mine. ♡ Oh Phillip Phillips.
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For some reason I can’t fall asleep anymore. I’m just not tired at all almost and New Orleans messed me up. I think I’m still in party mode and just want to be up all hours doing whatever I want and then crashing. I really need a longer vacation. Or to start living life more and doing something. But that all requires money and well, I’m trying to save… yeah not going so well really.
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On a side note… oh Enrique Iglesias. Your music is so damn catchy and I feel like I’m in a club right now and that’s what I want to do anymore.

Anyway! I really miss sports. I’m going to try and wake up early and head to Kirby for a run/walk. I need to start doing something so I’m not so tired all the time. Or go to the gym. Or play a sport. I miss baseball and bowling. I should join a league and stick with it. I’ll start running and go from there. Since I have that 5k coming up in june… I need to prep so I don’t die too much while there. And I need to start eating right too. That’s another thing I’m doing wrong. I want to lose that chin I got for some unknown reason. Ugh. So many things!
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Omg. Pharrell’s “Happy” just came on and I just want to dance like I’m in Hairspray with Zak Efron. Ha, slide slide, swish, snap fingers, twirl. I hope no one’s around right now outside because I’m totally going to do it.
And the funny thing is anymore is: I’m not happy. I’m not sad though. Im… numb. And well, numb is better than dumb and dead, right? #yaynumbness That reminds me; I need to watch Dispicable Me 2 now that this song is playing.

I really should go inside. It’s 1:30 in the morning now. I lose track of time so easily these days and I get by on little sleep. I sleep dreamless nights usually too.. it’s been really odd. I used to have such pleasant dreams and now I don’t even have anything. I don’t know if that’s bad or not.. to be honest it’s awkward and scary at the same time. Something has to give.
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There’s a bunch of movies coming out that I want to see… Neighbors is already out.. Malificent is coming out.. Godzillllahh I need to see asap. Blended looks good too surprisingly and so does 100 Ways To Die In The West. I need people to go see them with. And I STILL have to see Spiderman! Damnit, so many movies that I need to see its unreal. 😦

Well, now that I have a tired cat laying on me for the night and I’m inside, I should probably sleep. It’s now 2 in the morning sadly. And I still can’t sleep well. Sigh. Oh well! I’ll leave you with this picture of words I enjoy a bit too much. ♡
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|| Koral♡Dawn ||