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I Am The Wind

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“When you’re dumb enough for long enough, you’re gonna meet someone too smart to love you, and they’re gonna love you anyway, and it’s gonna go so poorly.” – Neil Hilborn, Ballad of the Bruised Lung

Been awhile, life’s been crazy. I’ve been trying to find the time to keep writing but I just haven’t had any. I mean I have, but I’ve had no ideas really to make me want to write anything substantial in my opinion. It’s been a blur to be honest, I can’t believe a year has almost gone by since myself and guy started dating again.. and it makes me feel semi good, that I can make it better than the last time we dated since we both effed up the last time and several times after that. Seems like we can’t just get it right.. Maybe this time won’t be so bad… here’s to hoping!

I’ve taken some photos recently, with guy’s other camera the Sony a6000 and I like it. But I only like it with the 90mm Macro since it’s amazing. I kind of want it. But there’s no way I can afford the lenses for it. Yes, I can borrow his, but what’s that going to do for me should something happen with myself and him. I will never give up my Canon camera for something else. I would only add to it. I plan on trying to start a collection of some sorts and when I finally get a home, I will have a camera closet for all my things.

Here are a few shots of the Sony a6000 that I took just yesterday around Nanticoke, PA. 

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When you’re tired of waiting and time is not on your side
When you’re tired of hating me, you no longer want to hide

It’s time for another session of relaxation and tea bath before my roommates get home and take their long shower. I’ve been thankful enough to get to take some nice showers lately thankfully, and it’s helping my mood a lot surprisingly. *hand clap* Off I go because then I’m going to sleep forever tonight, maybe I’ll put my hair in curlers again. We’ll see since it seems to poof then I use them, lol!

Cheers,

xoxox

Demention

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‘There is an area of the mind that could be called unsane, beyond sanity, and yet not insane. Think of a circle with a fine split in it. At one end there’s insanity. You go around the circle to sanity, and on the other end of the circle, close to insanity, but not insanity, is unsanity.’

Well there it is guys. That’s where I got my name from. Have any of you ever heard of the acid trip band called Hallucinogen? Well, now you have and you’re welcome.

They are rad and I remember listening to this when I was in high school just sitting there thinking, “Wow, who ever wrote this must have been on some pretty rad drugs that I’ll never take so I have to live vicariously through them for the time being.” And so I did. This is where my name came from and I don’t think there is an actual video for the song but just listen to what I have below. Just pretend you are on acid – or if you are, even better for you because this beat is very different and amazing. They only have a few songs from what I can tell but man did the lyrics make sense to me.

It’s a Friday night and I’m sitting here just browsing the internet because people think they need to tell me how to live my life recently and I’m just getting plain sick of it. I’m sorry, I need to take my lynch when? Oh okay, so I’m not even allowed to pick it any more? I have to go when other people go because you said so? Okay, yeah that’s cool. Stop the micro-managing and we’ll all be a bit happier I think. I know it doesn’t come from you but if you’re not the one with the actual problem with me then leave it alone. I will not be told to do something I’m uncomfortable with and I most certainly will not do it with you yelling at me telling me I have to. That’s not how I work. Sorry.

That there are doors that they are afraid to go in
And they don’t want us to go in there either
Because if we go in there we might learn something
That they don’t know
And that makes us a little out of their control

I’ve been reading a lot lately. A lot of books that I haven’t read before and a lot of books that I have actually read before. Divining the Future is an amazing book that I came across in the New Age section of Barnes and Nobles a few years ago and it’s amazing and talks all about spirituality. Not that I really am into that stuff, but I think a lot of the quotes and things in there might be useful for helping me de-stress from this job and other things in my life like my money situation I’m currently in. I need something to help me with that because right now, nothing else is helping and I don’t know what to do. So I’m reading this book to see how to not be so stressed with every single thing I do in life these days. So far so good, I still have a lot to go though since it’s a long book.

I’m going to lead you, kicking and screaming, giggling and laughing, into the future. I’m going to relax you, I’m going to get you! A spiritually cleansing derangment of the senses. The happy choas out of witch enlightment might come. Oh no that was real, lets get out of here.

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on enough for the night. I hope you guys enjoy my new layout I just re-did again. I really love how WordPress is coming out with more and more free options for us basic users and more customizations. Finally. I remember when I had stated this there weren’t that many and now there are over 4 dozen free options with more that just keep on coming. So thank you, WordPress.
Cheers,
xoxox

If I Had My Own World…

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I’d build you an empire. From here to the far lands -To spread love like violence. Let me feel you, carry you higher. Watch our words spread hope like fire… Secret crowds rise up and gather – Hear your voices sing back louder. ❤

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. I’m calling myself half dead, because 50 seems like too many years to live I think. And if I’m not half dead, well then I guess people are going to have to deal with me just a bit longer then right? Tomorrow should be filled with fun and awesome and things to do because it’s my big 25. You only turn 25 once, and I think that’s a milestone in my opinion. Lately, I’ve been happy and doing alot of things that make me feel awesome, and with tomorrow being my birthday, I should still feel that way. … so why don’t I?

I paid my bills, I fed myself, I’ve fed my kitties and even cleaned the house majorly yesterday and did laundry all day because it had to be done. I’ve been listening to Angels and Airwaves all day (yesterday and today) and I almost forgot how much I love these guys and how much I can relate to alot of their lyrics. I don’t know why I’m not feeling happy these last couple days to be honest. Maybe it’s because alot of family couldn’t be at my birthday at mom’s and the fact that they won’t come see me in PA at all? Maybe it’s because I’m sleeping terrible at night again for no reason? Maybe it’s because I haven’t had that awesome connection with someone that I really want.

Maybe, it’s because I do everything for everyone and not many people can do a simple thing for me like even travel out to PA to visit me or even send a simple message of “hey how are you, how’s things going for you out there?” I’m tired of telling everyone when I’ll be back in NJ to go to mom’s house because no one even cares all too much about me being there anyway (friend wise) and the only people I really care to see are my grandparents right now. Everyone keeps telling to move back to NJ and live there. No. Why would I go back to NJ and have you all talk to me again since I’m there? I’m not out of sight out of mind here, I’m only a 2 hour drive away and you people can’t even make that small trip to see me here, why do I need to move back there? Because it’s a convenience for you? You’re not a friend, you just someone who doesn’t care and I’m not subjecting myself to fake friends anymore. I actually have people here in PA that care about me, or so I’d like to think that, and I’m not moving back to a place that could care less even when I come every damn week to visit.

On another note, I don’t know what I’m doing for my birthday tomorrow yet except getting my nails done with two girl friends in the morning. I hope I go tonight to get my mattress instead of cramming everything in in the morning. I don’t feel like getting up super duper early and running up to Sams Club at 9am to drag a mattress inside my apartment and then deciding what to do with the old one. That’s going to be interesting, unless I try and sell it tonight if I get the new one tonight. We’ll see what happens though. I’m hoping it’s tonight so I can enjoy a good night’s sleep for my birthday.

I think I should go see a movie tonight and take myself on a date because… everyone else is busy and I’d prefer to go alone anyway I think. Since I just found out I’m not getting my mattress tonight but rather tomorrow morning, I have some time to kill and I don’t feel like sitting home alone bored on the eve of my birthday. That’s just stupid. No one is ever around on Fridays and I’m always bored and have nothing to do, lol. And now that it’s my birthday, I don’t know what to do tonight, so I guess movie it is. I’ll treat myself to some fat food too and be happy and ignore people for a couple hours.

I’m off to shower and going to braid my hair so it can curl and look weird. It’s long enough and I don’t know how to use a curling iron, lol and I’m too lazy to YouTube anything right now. I don’t even think I know where my curling iron is at the moment… oops. I’m such a terrible girly girl. I should really take some lessons.

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No, I Didn’t Watch The VMA’s & Other Rants

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And here’s why…

Every single other Social Media outlet had the on the minute reports of what was happening, I didn’t even need to tune in to any TV channel or click on a link to see that it was messed up in every way. I mean Kanye for President in 2020? Who wants to see that? Everyone will probably leave the country and be happier in my opinion, but that’s just me. I personally don’t think he’d be a “good” President, especially if he’s getting stoned at award shows and dressing like how he did. What kind of outfit is that when his wife is dolled up like that in a dress and he’s in a pant suit made of what looked like sweat material or something? I mean, he could have atleast smiled when pics were being taken, and atleast Kim’s dress looked a little more fancy than the rags he wore. They have how much money and can’t dress up in nicer clothes?

Anywho. I’m sitting at the drivers license center in town and I’ve been here an hour already. I should be working and making money but no, I have to sit here and wait to pay to get a license. This is ridiculous. It’s the day after a holiday and everyone should be at work again, not here. And of course you know, there were 4 people now there’s 2 for some reason. I came here at C656 and they’re only on C706 and I’m C734. This is absurd. They should have more people here to help out with this crowd. Not to mention they’re rude (the people who take the photos) and tell everyone wrong information. If you actually look up the Google reviews for this location, it’s only a 2.5☆ because of how rude the people are. Not even joking.
I have to run to Target after this to see if they still have those clearance desks so I can have a better work space to work on. Something cleaner and nicer for once instead of the glass desk. It’s a pain in the ass to clean as it is because if the fur from the kitties so I need something wood that’s easier. And if I got 2 desks and put them together, it’s 80″ long for 50$ and that’s not too bad right? I know they’ll fit because I have a 60″ desk right now about. And plenty of room for more.

*Side note* Target did have them, but not in the all black color I wanted so I got the brown and black ones and they turned out pretty well actually. I think I made the right choice and it was only 45 bucks after clearance and 5$ coupon I had and I’m pleased with them. I took some time off from writing this because well, the DMV went well and then Target went well and I worked the rest of the day. Now I’m back to working… I think atleast. I’ve been working since 9am today and I feel like if I hear or see another NYCONT number I’m going to throw up something nasty.

In this segment, I’d like to talk about Rhett and Link and the Mythical Beasts. I was recently introduced to them and I don’t know why I didn’t hear about them sooner. They’re always good for a laugh and a natural “wtf” reaction in any of their videos. I’ve been binge watching them and I think I could watch them forever. And I do have to admit that Link’s concoction of frosted mini wheats and peanut butter is actually really really good, even for breakfast when you have a headache and need all that sugar intake. That’s what I’ve been having for the past week and my gosh is it amazing. I think I could live off peanut butter like Link could. I think we’re twinsies. No, seriously, I think we are.

You're Weird, Peanut Butter Mini Wheats

You’re Weird, Peanut Butter Mini Wheats

Moving on, I think it’s about time this one ends and another begins. More later, like always.

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